When I remember that I was almost paying her compliments the other evening for having been so magnanimous and disinterested as not to marry him! I should like to know how she could have married him.
As for my visit to her then, all that was simply because the time had come to put an end to the connexion.
But I wanted to verify everything with my own eyes, my own experience. Well, is that enough for you?
Or perhaps you want to know too why I brought you here, why I have carried on like this before you, why I have been so simple and frank with you, when all this might have been said without any such frank avowals – yes?”
“Yes.”
I controlled myself and listened eagerly.
I had no need to answer more.
“Solely, my young friend, that I have noticed in you more common sense and clearsightedness about things than in either of our young fools.
You might have known before the sort of man I am, have made surmises and conjectures about me, but I wanted to save you the trouble, and resolved to show you face to face who it is you hare to deal with.
A firsthand impression is a great thing.
Understand me, mon ami: you know whom you have to deal with, you love her, and so I hope now that you will use all your influence (and you have an influence over her) to save her from certain unpleasantness.
Otherwise there will be such unpleasantness, and I assure you, I assure you it will be no joking matter.
Finally, the third reason for my openness with you . . . (but of course you’ve guessed that, my dear boy) yes, I really did want to spit upon the whole business and to spit upon it before your eyes, too!”
“And you’ve attained your object, too,” said I, quivering with excitement.
“I agree that you could not have shown your spite and your contempt for me and for all of us better than by your frankness to me.
Far from being apprehensive that your frankness might compromise you in my eyes, you are not even ashamed to expose yourself before me. You have certainly been like that madman in the cloak.
You have not considered me as a human being.”
“You have guessed right, my young friend,” he said, getting up, “you have seen through it all. You are not an author for nothing.
I hope that we are parting as friends.
Shan’t we drink bruderschaft together?”
“You are drunk, and that is the only reason that I don’t answer you as you deserve. . . .”
“Again a figure of silence! – you haven’t said all you might have said. Hahaha!
You won’t allow me to pay for you?”
“Don’t trouble yourself. I’ll pay for myself.”
“Ah, no doubt of it.
Aren’t we going the same way?”
“I am not coming with you.”
“Farewell, my poet.
I hope you’ve understood me. . . .”
He went out, stepping rather unsteadily and not turning to me again.
The footman helped him into his carriage.
I went my way.
It was nearly three o’clock in the morning.
It was raining The night was dark . . . .
Part IV
Chapter I
I WON’T attempt to describe my exasperation.
Though I might have expected anything, it was a blow; it was as though he had appeared before me quite suddenly in all his hideousness.
But I remember my sensations were confused, as though I had been knocked down, crushed by something, and black misery gnawed more and more painfully at my heart. I was afraid for Natasha.
I foresaw much suffering for her in the future, and I cast about in perplexity for some way by which to avoid it, to soften these last moments for her, before the final catastrophe.
Of that catastrophe there could be no doubt.
It was near at hand, and it was impossible not to see the form it would take.
I did not notice how I reached home, though I was getting wet with the rain all the way.
It was three o’clock in the morning.
I had hardly knocked at the door of my room when I heard a moan, and the door was hurriedly unlocked, as though Nellie had not gone to bed but had been watching for me all the time at the door.
There was a candle alight.
I glanced into Nellie’s face and was dismayed; it was completely transformed; her eyes were burning as though in fever, and had a wild look as though she did not recognize me.
She was in a high fever.
“Nellie, what’s the matter, are you ill?” I asked, bending down and putting my arm round her.
She nestled up to me tremulously as though she were afraid of something, said something, rapidly and impetuously, as though she had only been waiting for me to come to tell me it.