“Well, but what is it you talk and think about?
Tell us, Alyosha. I can’t quite understand yet,” said Natasha.
“Of everything in general that leads up to progress, to humanity, to love, it’s all in relation to contemporary questions.
We talk about the need of a free press, of the reforms that are beginning, of the love of humanity, of the leaders of today; we criticize them and read them.
But above all we’ve promised to be perfectly open with one another and to tell everything about ourselves, plainly, openly, without hesitation.
Nothing but openness and straightforwardness can attain our object.
That’s what Bezmygin is striving most for.
I told Katya about that and she is in complete sympathy with Bezmygin.
And so all of us, under Bezmygin’s leadership, have promised to act honestly and straightforwardly all our lives, and not to be disconcerted in any way, not to be ashamed of our enthusiasm, our fervour, our mistakes, and to go straight forward whatever may be said of us and however we may be judged.
If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by selfrespect, will you compel others to respect you.
That’s what Bezmygin says, and Katya agrees with him entirely.
We’re agreeing now upon our convictions in general, and have resolved to pursue the study of ourselves severally, and when we meet to explain ourselves to each other.”
“What a string of nonsense!” cried Prince Valkovsky uneasily. “And who is this Bezmygin?
No, it can’t be left like this ...”
“What can’t be left?” cried Alyosha. “Listen, father, why I say all this before you.
It’s because I want and hope to bring you, too, into our circle.
I’ve pledged myself in your name already.
You laugh; well, I knew you’d laugh!
But hear me out.
You are kind and generous, you’ll understand.
You don’t know, you’ve never seen these people, you haven’t heard them.
Supposing you have heard of all this and have studied it all, you are horribly learned, yet you haven’t seen them themselves, have not been in their house, and so how can you judge of them correctly?
You only imagine that you know them.
You be with them, listen to them, and then – then I’ll give you my word you’ll be one of us.
Above all I want to use every means I can to rescue you from ruin in the circle to which you have so attached yourself, and so save you from your convictions.”
Prince Valkovsky listened to this sally in silence, with a malignant sneer; there was malice in his face.
Natasha was watching him with unconcealed repulsion.
He saw it, but pretended not to notice it.
But as soon as Alyosha had finished, his father broke into a peal of laughter.
He fell back in his chair as though he could not control himself.
But the laughter was certainly not genuine.
He was quite unmistakably laughing simply to wound and to humiliate his son as deeply as possible.
Alyosha was certainly mortified. His whole face betrayed intense sadness.
But he waited patiently until his father’s merriment was over.
“Father,” he began mournfully, “why are you laughing at me?
I have come to you frankly and openly.
If, in your opinion, what I say is silly, teach me better, and don’t laugh at me.
And what do you find to laugh at?
At what is for me good and holy now?
Why, suppose I am in error, suppose this is all wrong, mistaken, suppose I am a little fool as you’ve called me several times; if I am making a mistake I’m sincere and honest in it; I’ve done nothing ignoble.
I am enthusiastic over lofty ideas.
They may be mistaken, but what they rest upon is holy.
I’ve told you that you and all your friends have never yet said anything to me that could guide me, or influence me.
Refute them, tell me something better than they have said, and I will follow you, but do not laugh at me, for that grieves me very much.”
Alyosha pronounced these words with extreme sincerity and a sort of severe dignity.
Natasha watched him sympathetically.
The prince heard his son with genuine amazement, and instantly changed his tone.
“I did not mean to grieve you, my dear,” he answered. “0n the contrary I am sorry for you.
You are preparing to take such a step in life that it is only seemly for you to leave off being such a featherheaded boy.
That’s what is in my mind.