Mavra looked at Alyosha with surprise and approval.
Natasha eagerly urged him on.
“Well, so I wondered what I was to do,” Alyosha went on. “How was I to oppose him?
If he’d been nasty to me I assure you I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.
I’d have told him plainly I wouldn’t, that I was grown up now, and a man, and that that was the end of it.
And believe me, I’d have stuck to it.
But as it is, what could I say to him?
But don’t blame me.
I see you seem displeased, Natasha.
Why do you look at one another?
No doubt you’re thinking: here they’ve caught him at once and he hasn’t a grain of will.
I have will, I have more than you think.
And the proof of it is that in spite of my position I told myself at once, ‘it is my duty; I must tell my father everything, everything,’ and I began speaking and told him everything, and he listened.”
“But what? What did you tell him exactly?” Natasha asked anxiously.
“Why, that I don’t want any other fiancee, and that I have one already – you.
That is, I didn’t tell him that straight out, but I prepared him for it, and I shall tell him tomorrow. I’ve made up my mind.
To begin with I said that to marry for money was shameful and ignoble, and that for us to consider ourselves aristocrats was simply stupid (I talk perfectly openly to him as though he were my brother).
Then I explained to him that I belonged to the tiers etat, and that the tiers etat c’est l’essentiel, that I am proud of being just like everybody else, and that I don’t want to be distinguished in any way; in fact, I laid all those sound ideas before him. . . . I talked warmly, convincingly.
I was surprised at myself.
I proved it to him, even from his own point of view. . . . I said to him straight out – how can we call ourselves princes?
It’s simply a matter of birth; for what is there princely about us?
We’re not particularly wealthy, and wealth’s the chief point.
The greatest prince nowadays is Rothschild.
And secondly, it’s a long time since anything has been heard of us in real society.
The last was Uncle Semyon Valkovsky, and he was only known in Moscow, and he was only famous for squandering his last three hundred serfs, and if father hadn’t made money for himself, his grandsons might have been ploughing the land themselves. There are princes like that.
We’ve nothing to be stuckup over.
In short, I told him everything that I was brimming over with – everything, warmly and openly; in fact, I said something more.
He did not even answer me, but simply began blaming me for having given up going to Count Nainsky’s, and then told me I must try and keep in the good graces of Princess K., my godmother, and that if Princess K. welcomes me then I shall be received everywhere, and my career is assured, and he went on and on about that!
It was all hinting at my having given up everyone since I’ve been with you, Natasha, and that’s being all your influence.
But he hasn’t spoken about you directly so far. In fact he evidently avoids it.
We’re both fencing, waiting, catching one another, and you may be sure that our side will come off best.”
“Well, that’s all right. But how did it end, what has he decided?
That’s what matters.
And what a chatterbox you are, Alyosha!”
“Goodness only knows. There’s no telling what he’s decided. But I’m not a chatterbox at all; I’m talking sense. He didn’t settle anything, but only smiled at all my arguments; and such a smile, as though he were sorry for me.
I know it’s humiliating, but I’m not ashamed of it.
‘I quite agree with you,’ he said, ‘but let’s go to Count Nainsky’s, and mind you don’t say anything there.
I understand you, but they won’t.’
I believe he’s not very well received everywhere himself; people are angry with him about something.
He seems to be disliked in society now.
The count at first received me very majestically, quite superciliously, as though he had quite forgotten I grew up in his house; he began trying to remember, he did, really.
He’s simply angry with me for ingratitude, though really there was no sort of ingratitude on my part. It was horribly dull in his house, so I simply gave up going.
He gave my father a very casual reception, too; so casual that I can’t understand why he goes there.
It all revolted me.
Poor father almost has to eat humble pie before him. I understand that it’s all for my sake, but I don’t want anything.
I wanted to tell my father what I felt about it, afterwards, but I restrained myself.
And, indeed, what would be the good?
I shan’t change his convictions, I shall only make him angry, and he is having a bad time as it is.
Well, I thought, I’ll take to cunning and I’ll outdo them all – I’ll make the count respect me – and what do you think?
I at once gained my object, everything was changed in a single day, Count Nainsky can’t make enough of me now, and that was all my doing, only mine, it was all through my cunning, so that my father was quite astonished!”