How can you ...! You darling!” she added, taking Natasha’s hand with her own, which trembled, and both relapsed into silence, gazing at each other.
“I must tell you, my angel,” Katya broke the silence, “we have only half an hour to be together; Mme. Albert would hardly consent to that, and we have a great deal to discuss.... I want ... I must ... Well, I’ll simply ask you – do you care very much for Alyosha?”
“Yes, very much.”
“If so ... if you care very much for Alyosha ... then ... you must care for his happiness too,” she added timidly, in a whisper.
“Yes. I want him to be happy. . .”
“Yes.... But this is the question – shall I make him happy?
Have I the right to say so, for I’m taking him away from you.
If you think, and we decide now, that he will be happier with you, then ... then . . .”
“That’s settled already, Katya dear. You see yourself that it’s all settled,” Natasha answered softly, and she bowed her head.
It was evidently difficult for her to continue the conversation.
Katya, I fancy, was prepared for a lengthy discussion on the question which of them would make Alyosha happy and which of them ought to give him up.
But after Natasha’s answer she understood that everything was settled already and there was nothing to discuss.
With her pretty lips half opened, she gazed with sorrow and perplexity at Natasha, still holding her hand.
“And you love him very much?” Natasha asked suddenly.
“Yes; and there’s another thing I wanted to ask you, and I came on purpose: tell me, what do you love him for exactly?”
“I don’t know,” answered Natasha, and there was a note of bitter impatience in her voice.
“Is he clever; what do you think?” asked Katya.
“No, I simply love him . . .”
“And I too.
I always feel somehow sorry for him.”
“So do I,” answered Natasha.
“What’s to be done with him now?
And how he could leave you for me I can’t understand!” cried Katya.
“Now that I’ve seen you I can’t understand!”
Natasha looked on the ground and did not answer.
Katya was silent for a time, and then getting up from her chair she gently embraced her.
They embraced each other and both shed tears.
Katya sat on the arm of Natasha’s chair still holding her in her embrace, and began kissing her hands.
“If you only knew how I love you! “ she said, weeping.
“Let us be sisters, let us always write to one another ... and I will always love you.... I shall love you so ... love you so ...”
“Did he speak to you of our marriage in June?” asked Natasha.
“Yes.
He said you’d consented.
That’s all just...to comfort him, isn’t it?”
“Of course.”
“That’s how I understood it.
I will love him truly, Natasha, and write to you about everything.
It seems as though he will soon be my husband; it’s coming to that; and they all say so.
Darling Natasha, surely you will go ... home now?”
Natasha did not answer, but kissed her warmly in silence.
“Be happy!” she said.
“And ... and you ... and you too!” said Katya.
At that moment the door opened and Alyosha came in.
He had been unable to wait the whole halfhour, and seeing them in each other’s arms and both crying, he fell on his knees before Natasha and Katya in impotent anguish.
“Why are you crying?” Natasha said to him. “Because you’re parting from me?
But it’s not for long.
Won’t you be back in June?”
“And then your marriage,” Katya hastened to add through her tears, also to comfort Alyosha.
“But I can’t leave you, I can’t leave you for one day, Natasha.
I shall die without you ... You don’t know how precious you are to me now! especially now!”