“No, father, no!” cried Alyosha, “If I haven’t attacked you it’s because I don’t believe you could be guilty of such an insult, and I can’t believe that such an insult is possible!
“Do you hear?” cried Prince Valkovsky.
“Natasha, it’s all my fault! Don’t blame him.
It’s wicked and horrible.”
“Do you hear, Vanya?
He is already against me!” cried Natasha.
“Enough!” said the prince. “We must put an end to this painful scene.
This blind and savage outburst of unbridled jealousy shows your character in quite a new light.
I am forewarned.
We have been in too great a hurry. We certainly have been in too great a hurry.
You have not even noticed how you have insulted me. That’s nothing to you.
We were in too great a hurry ... too great a hurry ... my word ought to be sacred of course, but ... I am a father, and I desire the happiness of my son . . .”
“You go back from your word!” cried Natasha, beside herself. “You are glad of the opportunity.
But let me tell you that here, alone, I made up my mind two days ago to give him back his promise, and now I repeat it before every one.
I give him up!”
“That is, perhaps, you want to reawaken his old anxieties again, his feeling of duty, all this worrying about his obligations (as you expressed it just now yourself), so as to bind him to you again.
This is the explanation on your own theory. That is why I say so; but enough, time will decide.
I will await a calmer moment for an explanation with you.
I hope we may not break off all relations.
I hope, too, that you may learn to appreciate me better.
I meant today to tell you of my projects for your family, which would have shown you.... But enough!
Ivan Petrovitch,” he added, coming up to me, “I have always wanted to know you better, and now, more than ever, I should appreciate it.
I hope you understand me.
I shall come and see you in a day or two if you will allow me.”
I bowed.
It seemed to me, too, that now I could not avoid making his acquaintance.
He pressed my hand, bowed to Natasha without a word, and went out with an air of affronted dignity.
Chapter IV
FOR some minutes we all said nothing.
Natasha sat in thought, sorrowful and exhausted.
All her energy had suddenly left her.
She looked straight before her seeing nothing, holding Alyosha’s hand in hers and seeming lost in oblivion.
He was quietly giving vent to his grief in tears, looking at her from time to time with timorous curiosity.
At last he began timidly trying to comfort her, besought her not to be angry, blamed himself; it was evident that he was very anxious to defend his father, and that this was very much on his mind. He began on the subject several times, but did not dare to speak out, afraid of rousing Natasha’s wrath again.
He protested his eternal unchanging love, and hotly justified his devotion to Katya, continually repeating that he only loved Katya as a sister, a dear, kind sister, whom he could not abandon altogether; that that would be really coarse and cruel on his part, declaring that if Natasha knew Katya they would be friends at once, so much so that they would never part and never quarrel.
This idea pleased him particularly.
The poor fellow was perfectly truthful.
He did not understand her apprehensions, and indeed had no clear understanding of what she had just said to his father.
All he understood was that they had quarrelled, and that above all lay like a stone on his heart.
“You are blaming me on your father’s account?” asked Natasha.
“How can I blame you?” he said with bitter feeling, “when I’m the cause, and it’s all my fault?
It’s I who have driven you into such a fury, and in your anger you blamed him too, because you wanted to defend me. You always stand up for me, and I don’t deserve it.
You had to fix the blame on someone, so you fixed it on him.
And he’s really not to blame!” cried Alyosha, warming up.
“And was it with that thought he came here?
Was that what he expected?”
But seeing that Natasha was looking at him with distress and reproach, he was abashed at once.
“Forgive me, I won’t, I won’t,” he said.
“It’s all my fault!”
“Yes, Alyosha,” she went on with bitter feeling.