Did you ever know a woman who cleaned a pistol?
No.
They can fire them, and do; but after firing them, they do not clean them.
Now it is a principle which every detective recognizes, that if of a hundred leading circumstances connected with a crime, ninety-nine of these are acts pointing to the suspected party with unerring certainty, but the hundredth equally important act one which that person could not have performed, the whole fabric of suspicion is destroyed.
Recognizing this principle, then, as I have said, I hesitated when it came to the point of arrest.
The chain was complete; the links were fastened; but one link was of a different size and material from the rest; and in this argued a break in the chain.
I resolved to give her a final chance. Summoning Mr. Clavering, and Mr. Harwell, two persons whom I had no reason to suspect, but who were the only persons beside herself who could have committed this crime, being the only persons of intellect who were in the house or believed to be, at the time of the murder, I notified them separately that the assassin of Mr. Leavenworth was not only found, but was about to be arrested in my house, and that if they wished to hear the confession which would be sure to follow, they might have the opportunity of doing so by coming here at such an hour.
They were both too much interested, though for very different reasons, to refuse; and I succeeded in inducing them to conceal themselves in the two rooms from which you saw them issue, knowing that if either of them had committed this deed, he had done it for the love of Mary Leavenworth, and consequently could not hear her charged with crime, and threatened with arrest, without betraying himself.
I did not hope much from the experiment; least of all did I anticipate that Mr. Harwell would prove to be the guilty man—but live and learn, Mr. Raymond, live and learn.”
XXXVIII. A FULL CONFESSION
“Between the acting of a dreadful thing, And the first motion, all the interim is Like a phantasma or a hideous dream; The genius and the mortal instruments Are then in council; and the state of a man, Like to a little Kingdom, suffers then The nature of an insurrection.”
—Julius Caesar.
I AM NOT A bad man; I am only an intense one.
Ambition, love, jealousy, hatred, revenge—transitory emotions with some, are terrific passions with me.
To be sure, they are quiet and concealed ones, coiled serpents that make no stir till aroused; but then, deadly in their spring and relentless in their action.
Those who have known me best have not known this.
My own mother was ignorant of it.
Often and often have I heard her say:
“If Trueman only had more sensibility!
If Trueman were not so indifferent to everything!
In short, if Trueman had more power in him!”
It was the same at school.
No one understood me.
They thought me meek; called me Dough-face.
For three years they called me this, then I turned upon them.
Choosing out their ringleader, I felled him to the ground, laid him on his back, and stamped upon him.
He was handsome before my foot came down; afterwards— Well, it is enough he never called me Dough-face again.
In the store I entered soon after, I met with even less appreciation.
Regular at my work and exact in my performance of it, they thought me a good machine and nothing more.
What heart, soul, and feeling could a man have who never sported, never smoked, and never laughed?
I could reckon up figures correctly, but one scarcely needed heart or soul for that.
I could even write day by day and month by month without showing a flaw in my copy; but that only argued I was no more than they intimated, a regular automaton.
I let them think so, with the certainty before me that they would one day change their minds as others had done.
The fact was, I loved nobody well enough, not even myself, to care for any man’s opinion.
Life was well-nigh a blank to me; a dead level plain that had to be traversed whether I would or not.
And such it might have continued to this day if I had never met Mary Leavenworth.
But when, some nine months since, I left my desk in the counting-house for a seat in Mr. Leavenworth’s library, a blazing torch fell into my soul whose flame has never gone out, and never will, till the doom before me is accomplished.
She was so beautiful!
When, on that first evening, I followed my new employer into the parlor, and saw this woman standing up before me in her half-alluring, half-appalling charm, I knew, as by a lightning flash, what my future would be if I remained in that house.
She was in one of her haughty moods, and bestowed upon me little more than a passing glance.
But her indifference made slight impression upon me then.
It was enough that I was allowed to stand in her presence and look unrebuked upon her loveliness.
To be sure, it was like gazing into the flower-wreathed crater of an awakening volcano.
Fear and fascination were in each moment I lingered there; but fear and fascination made the moment what it was, and I could not have withdrawn if I would.
And so it was always.
Unspeakable pain as well as pleasure was in the emotion with which I regarded her.
Yet for all that I did not cease to study her hour by hour and day by day; her smiles, her movement, her way of turning her head or lifting her eyelids.
I had a purpose in this.
I wished to knit her beauty so firmly into the warp and woof of my being that nothing could ever serve to tear it away.
For I saw then as plainly as now that, coquette though she was, she would never stoop to me.