This was the glistening, forbidden apple, this face of a man.
She kissed him, putting her fingers over his face, his eyes, his nostrils, over his brows and his ears, to his neck, to know him, to gather him in by touch.
He was so firm, and shapely, with such satisfying, inconceivable shapeliness, strange, yet unutterably clear.
He was such an unutterable enemy, yet glistening with uncanny white fire.
She wanted to touch him and touch him and touch him, till she had him all in her hands, till she had strained him into her knowledge.
Ah, if she could have the precious KNOWLEDGE of him, she would be filled, and nothing could deprive her of this.
For he was so unsure, so risky in the common world of day.
'You are so BEAUTIFUL,' she murmured in her throat.
He wondered, and was suspended.
But she felt him quiver, and she came down involuntarily nearer upon him.
He could not help himself.
Her fingers had him under their power.
The fathomless, fathomless desire they could evoke in him was deeper than death, where he had no choice.
But she knew now, and it was enough.
For the time, her soul was destroyed with the exquisite shock of his invisible fluid lightning.
She knew.
And this knowledge was a death from which she must recover.
How much more of him was there to know?
Ah much, much, many days harvesting for her large, yet perfectly subtle and intelligent hands upon the field of his living, radio-active body.
Ah, her hands were eager, greedy for knowledge.
But for the present it was enough, enough, as much as her soul could bear.
Too much, and she would shatter herself, she would fill the fine vial of her soul too quickly, and it would break.
Enough now—enough for the time being.
There were all the after days when her hands, like birds, could feed upon the fields of him mystical plastic form—till then enough.
And even he was glad to be checked, rebuked, held back.
For to desire is better than to possess, the finality of the end was dreaded as deeply as it was desired.
They walked on towards the town, towards where the lamps threaded singly, at long intervals down the dark high-road of the valley.
They came at length to the gate of the drive.
'Don't come any further,' she said.
'You'd rather I didn't?' he asked, relieved.
He did not want to go up the public streets with her, his soul all naked and alight as it was.
'Much rather—good-night.'
She held out her hand.
He grasped it, then touched the perilous, potent fingers with his lips.
'Good-night,' he said. 'Tomorrow.'
And they parted.
He went home full of the strength and the power of living desire.
But the next day, she did not come, she sent a note that she was kept indoors by a cold.
Here was a torment!
But he possessed his soul in some sort of patience, writing a brief answer, telling her how sorry he was not to see her.
The day after this, he stayed at home—it seemed so futile to go down to the office.
His father could not live the week out.
And he wanted to be at home, suspended.
Gerald sat on a chair by the window in his father's room.
The landscape outside was black and winter-sodden.
His father lay grey and ashen on the bed, a nurse moved silently in her white dress, neat and elegant, even beautiful.
There was a scent of eau-de-cologne in the room.
The nurse went out of the room, Gerald was alone with death, facing the winter-black landscape.
'Is there much more water in Denley?' came the faint voice, determined and querulous, from the bed.
The dying man was asking about a leakage from Willey Water into one of the pits.