So do be nice to him."
It had taken, naturally, more explanation, and the mention, above all, of the fact that the visitor was the greatest of doctors; yet when once the key had been offered Susie slipped it on her bunch, and her young friend could again feel her lovely imagination operate.
It operated in truth very much as Mrs. Lowder's, at the last, had done the night before: it made the air heavy once more with the extravagance of assent.
It might, afresh, almost have frightened our young woman to see how people rushed to meet her: had she then so little time to live that the road must always be spared her?
It was as if they were helping her to take it out on the spot.
Susie—she couldn't deny, and didn't pretend to—might, of a truth, on her side, have treated such news as a flash merely lurid; as to which, to do Susie justice, the pain of it was all there.
But, none the less, the margin always allowed her young friend was all there as well; and the proposal now made her what was it in short but Byzantine?
The vision of Milly's perception of the propriety of the matter had, at any rate, quickly engulfed, so far as her attitude was concerned, any surprise and any shock; so that she only desired, the next thing, perfectly to possess the facts.
Milly could easily speak, on this, as if there were only one: she made nothing of such another as that she had felt herself menaced.
The great fact, in fine, was that she knew him to desire just now, more than anything else, to meet, quite apart, some one interested in her.
Who therefore so interested as her faithful Susan?
The only other circumstance that, by the time she had quitted her friend, she had treated as worth mentioning was the circumstance of her having at first intended to keep quiet.
She had originally best seen herself as sweetly secretive.
As to that she had changed, and her present request was the result.
She didn't say why she had changed, but she trusted her faithful Susan.
Their visitor would trust her not less, and she herself would adore their visitor.
Moreover he wouldn't—the girl felt sure—tell her anything dreadful.
The worst would be that he was in love and that he needed a confidant to work it.
And now she was going to the National Gallery.
XVI
The idea of the National Gallery had been with her from the moment of her hearing from Sir Luke Strett about his hour of coming.
It had been in her mind as a place so meagrely visited, as one of the places that had seemed at home one of the attractions of Europe and one of its highest aids to culture, but that—the old story—the typical frivolous always ended by sacrificing to vulgar pleasures.
She had had perfectly, at those whimsical moments on the Brunig, the half-shamed sense of turning her back on such opportunities for real improvement as had figured to her, from of old, in connection with the continental tour, under the general head of "pictures and things"; and now she knew for what she had done so.
The plea had been explicit—she had done so for life, as opposed to learning; the upshot of which had been that life was now beautifully provided for.
In spite of those few dips and dashes into the many-coloured stream of history for which of late Kate Croy had helped her to find time, there were possible great chances she had neglected, possible great moments she should, save for to-day, have all but missed.
She might still, she had felt, overtake one or two of them among the Titians and the Turners; she had been honestly nursing the hour, and, once she was in the benignant halls, her faith knew itself justified.
It was the air she wanted and the world she would now exclusively choose; the quiet chambers, nobly overwhelming, rich but slightly veiled, opened out round her and made her presently say
"If I could lose myself here!"
There were people, people in plenty, but, admirably, no personal question.
It was immense, outside, the personal question; but she had blissfully left it outside, and the nearest it came, for a quarter of an hour, to glimmering again into sight was when she watched for a little one of the more earnest of the lady-copyists.
Two or three in particular, spectacled, aproned, absorbed, engaged her sympathy to an absurd extent, seemed to show her for the time the right way to live.
She should have been a lady copyist—it met so the case.
The case was the case of escape, of living under water, of being at once impersonal and firm.
There it was before one—one had only to stick and stick.
Milly yielded to this charm till she was almost ashamed; she watched the lady-copyists till she found herself wondering what would be thought by others of a young woman, of adequate aspect, who should appear to regard them as the pride of the place.
She would have liked to talk to them, to get, as it figured to her, into their lives, and was deterred but by the fact that she didn't quite see herself as purchasing imitations and yet feared she might excite the expectation of purchase.
She really knew before long that what held her was the mere refuge, that something within her was after all too weak for the Turners and Titians.
They joined hands about her in a circle too vast, though a circle that a year before she would only have desired to trace.
They were truly for the larger, not for the smaller life, the life of which the actual pitch, for example, was an interest, the interest of compassion, in misguided efforts.
She marked absurdly her little stations, blinking, in her shrinkage of curiosity, at the glorious walls, yet keeping an eye on vistas and approaches, so that she shouldn't be flagrantly caught.
The vistas and approaches drew her in this way from room to room, and she had been through many parts of the show, as she supposed, when she sat down to rest.
There were chairs in scant clusters, places from which one could gaze.
Milly indeed at present fixed her eyes more than elsewhere on the appearance, first, that she couldn't quite, after all, have accounted to an examiner for the order of her "schools," and then on that of her being more tired than she had meant, in spite of her having been so much less intelligent.
They found, her eyes, it should be added, other occupation as well, which she let them freely follow: they rested largely, in her vagueness, on the vagueness of other visitors; they attached themselves in especial, with mixed results, to the surprising stream of her compatriots.
She was struck with the circumstance that the great museum, early in August, was haunted with these pilgrims, as also with that of her knowing them from afar, marking them easily, each and all, and recognising not less promptly that they had ever new lights for her—new lights on their own darkness.
She gave herself up at last, and it was a consummation like another: what she should have come to the National Gallery for to-day would be to watch the copyists and reckon the Baedekers.
That perhaps was the moral of a menaced state of health—that one would sit in public places and count the Americans.
It passed the time in a manner; but it seemed already the second line of defence, and this notwithstanding the pattern, so unmistakable, of her country-folk.
They were cut out as by scissors, coloured, labelled, mounted; but their relation to her failed to act—they somehow did nothing for her.
Partly, no doubt, they didn't so much as notice or know her, didn't even recognise their community of collapse with her, the sign on her, as she sat there, that for her too Europe was "tough."