‘Toad he went a-pleasuring!’ he yelled.
‘I’ll pleasure ’em!’ and he went straight for the Chief Weasel.
They were but four in all, but to the panic-stricken weasels the hall seemed full of monstrous animals, grey, black, brown and yellow, whooping and flourishing enormous cudgels; and they broke and fled with squeals of terror and dismay, this way and that, through the windows, up the chimney, anywhere to get out of reach of those terrible sticks.
The affair was soon over.
Up and down, the whole length of the hall, strode the four Friends, whacking with their sticks at every head that showed itself; and in five minutes the room was cleared.
Through the broken windows the shrieks of terrified weasels escaping across the lawn were borne faintly to their ears; on the floor lay prostrate some dozen or so of the enemy, on whom the Mole was busily engaged in fitting handcuffs.
The Badger, resting from his labours, leant on his stick and wiped his honest brow.
‘Mole,’ he said,’ ‘you’re the best of fellows!
Just cut along outside and look after those stoat-sentries of yours, and see what they’re doing.
I’ve an idea that, thanks to you, we shan’t have much trouble from them to-night!’
The Mole vanished promptly through a window; and the Badger bade the other two set a table on its legs again, pick up knives and forks and plates and glasses from the debris on the floor, and see if they could find materials for a supper.
‘I want some grub, I do,’ he said, in that rather common way he had of speaking.
‘Stir your stumps, Toad, and look lively!
We’ve got your house back for you, and you don’t offer us so much as a sandwich.’
Toad felt rather hurt that the Badger didn’t say pleasant things to him, as he had to the Mole, and tell him what a fine fellow he was, and how splendidly he had fought; for he was rather particularly pleased with himself and the way he had gone for the Chief Weasel and sent him flying across the table with one blow of his stick.
But he bustled about, and so did the Rat, and soon they found some guava jelly in a glass dish, and a cold chicken, a tongue that had hardly been touched, some trifle, and quite a lot of lobster salad; and in the pantry they came upon a basketful of French rolls and any quantity of cheese, butter, and celery.
They were just about to sit down when the Mole clambered in through the window, chuckling, with an armful of rifles.
‘It’s all over,’ he reported.
‘From what I can make out, as soon as the stoats, who were very nervous and jumpy already, heard the shrieks and the yells and the uproar inside the hall, some of them threw down their rifles and fled.
The others stood fast for a bit, but when the weasels came rushing out upon them they thought they were betrayed; and the stoats grappled with the weasels, and the weasels fought to get away, and they wrestled and wriggled and punched each other, and rolled over and over, till most of ’em rolled into the river!
They’ve all disappeared by now, one way or another; and I’ve got their rifles.
So that’s all right!’
‘Excellent and deserving animal!’ said the Badger, his mouth full of chicken and trifle.
‘Now, there’s just one more thing I want you to do, Mole, before you sit down to your supper along of us; and I wouldn’t trouble you only I know I can trust you to see a thing done, and I wish I could say the same of every one I know.
I’d send Rat, if he wasn’t a poet.
I want you to take those fellows on the floor there upstairs with you, and have some bedrooms cleaned out and tidied up and made really comfortable.
See that they sweep under the beds, and put clean sheets and pillow-cases on, and turn down one corner of the bed-clothes, just as you know it ought to be done; and have a can of hot water, and clean towels, and fresh cakes of soap, put in each room.
And then you can give them a licking a-piece, if it’s any satisfaction to you, and put them out by the back-door, and we shan’t see any more of them, I fancy.
And then come along and have some of this cold tongue.
It’s first rate.
I’m very pleased with you, Mole!’
The goodnatured Mole picked up a stick, formed his prisoners up in a line on the floor, gave them the order
‘Quick march!’ and led his squad off to the upper floor.
After a time, he appeared again, smiling, and said that every room was ready, and as clean as a new pin.
‘And I didn’t have to lick them, either,’ he added.
‘I thought, on the whole, they had had licking enough for one night, and the weasels, when I put the point to them, quite agreed with me, and said they wouldn’t think of troubling me. They were very penitent, and said they were extremely sorry for what they had done. but it was all the fault of the Chief Weasel and the stoats, and if ever they could do anything for us at any time to make up, we had only got to mention it.
So I gave them a roll a-piece, and let them out at the back, and off they ran, as hard as they could!’
Then the Mole pulled his chair up to the table, and pitched into the cold tongue; and Toad, like the gentleman he was, put all his jealousy from him, and said heartily,
‘Thank you kindly, dear Mole, for all your pains and trouble tonight, and especially for your cleverness this morning!’
The Badger was pleased at that, and said,
‘There spoke my brave Toad!’
So they finished their supper in great joy and contentment, and presently retired to rest between clean sheets, safe in Toad’s ancestral home, won back by matchless valour, consummate strategy, and a proper handling of sticks.
The following morning, Toad, who had overslept himself as usual, came down to breakfast disgracefully late, and found on the table a certain quantity of egg-shells, some fragments of cold and leathery toast, a coffee-pot three-fourths empty, and really very little else; which did not tend to improve his temper, considering that, after all, it was his own house.
Through the French windows of the breakfast-room he could see the Mole and the Water Rat sitting in wicker-chairs out on the lawn, evidently telling each other stories; roaring with laughter and kicking their short legs up in the air.
The Badger, who was in an arm-chair and deep in the morning paper, merely looked up and nodded when Toad entered the room.
But Toad knew his man, so he sat down and made the best breakfast he could, merely observing to himself that he would get square with the others sooner or later.
When he had nearly finished, the Badger looked up and remarked rather shortly:
‘I’m sorry, Toad, but I’m afraid there’s a heavy morning’s work in front of you.
You see, we really ought to have a Banquet at once, to celebrate this affair.
It’s expected of you – in fact, it’s the rule.’