"If you want it that way.
Perhaps it came from talking that foolishness about Valencia.
And that failure of a man who has gone to look at his horses.
I wounded him much with the story.
Kill him, yes.
Curse him, yes.
But wound him, no."
"How came you to be with him?"
"How is one with any one?
In the first days of the movement and before too, he was something. Something serious.
But now he is finished.
The plug has been drawn and the wine has all run out of the skin."
"I do not like him."
"Nor does he like you, and with reason.
Last night I slept with him."
She smiled now and shook her head. " _Vamos a ver_," she said.
"I said to him,
'Pablo, why did you not kill the foreigner?'
"'He's a good boy, Pilar,' he said.
'He's a good boy.'
"So I said,
'You understand now that I command?'
"'Yes, Pilar.
Yes,' he said.
Later in the night I hear him awake and he is crying.
He is crying in a short and ugly manner as a man cries when it is as though there is an animal inside that is shaking him.
"'What passes with thee, Pablo?' I said to him and I took hold of him and held him.
"'Nothing, Pilar. Nothing.'
"'Yes. Something passes with thee.'
"'The people,' he said. 'The way they left me. The _gente_.'
"'Yes, but they are with me,' I said, 'and I am thy woman.'
"'Pilar,' he said, 'remember the train.'
Then he said,
'May God aid thee, Pilar.'
"'What are you talking of God for?' I said to him. 'What way is that to speak?'
"'Yes,' he said.
'God and the Virgen.'
"'_Que va_, God and the _Virgen_,' I said to him.
'Is that any way to talk?'
"'I am afraid to die, Pilar,' he said. '_Tengo miedo de morir_.
Dost thou understand?'
"'Then get out of bed,' I said to him.
'There is not room in one bed for me and thee and thy fear all together.'
"Then he was ashamed and was quiet and I went to sleep but, man, he's a ruin."
Robert Jordan said nothing.
"All my life I have had this sadness at intervals," the woman said.
"But it is not like the sadness of Pablo.
It does not affect my resolution."
"I believe that."
"It may be it is like the times of a woman," she said.