There was no such thing as Maria in the world.
It was certainly a much simpler world.
I had instructions from Golz that were perfectly clear and seemed perfectly possible to carry out although they presented certain difficulties and involved certain consequences.
After we blew the bridge I expected either to get back to the lines or not get back and if we got back I was going to ask for some time in Madrid.
No one has any leave in this war but I am sure I could get two or three days in Madrid.
In Madrid I wanted to buy some books, to go to the Florida Hotel and get a room and to have a hot bath, he thought. I was going to send Luis the porter out for a bottle of absinthe if he could locate one at the MantequerIas Leonesas or at any of the places off the Gran Via and I was going to lie in bed and read after the bath and drink a couple of absinthes and then I was going to call up Gaylord's and see if I could come up there and eat.
He did not want to eat at the Gran Via because the food was no good really and you had to get there on time or whatever there was of it would be gone.
Also there were too many newspaper men there he knew and he did not want to have to keep his mouth shut.
He wanted to drink the absinthes and to feel like talking and then go up to Gaylord's and eat with Karkov, where they had good food and real beer, and find out what was going on in the war.
He had not liked Gaylord's, the hotel in Madrid the Russians had taken over when he first went there because it seemed too luxurious and the food was too good for a besieged city and the talk too cynical for a war.
But I corrupted very easily, he thought.
Why should you not have as good food as could be organized when you came back from something like this?
And the talk that he had thought of as cynicism when he had first heard it had turned out to be much too true.
This will be something to tell at Gaylord's, he thought, when this is over.
Yes, when this is over.
Could you take Maria to Gaylord's?
No.
You couldn't.
But you could leave her in the hotel and she could take a hot bath and be there when you came back from Gaylord's.
Yes, you could do that and after you had told Karkov about her, you could bring her later because they would be curious about her and want to see her.
Maybe you wouldn't go to Gaylord's at all.
You could eat early at the Gran Via and hurry back to the Florida.
But you knew you would go to Gaylord's because you wanted to see all that again; you wanted to eat that food again and you wanted to see all the comfort of it and the luxury of it after this.
Then you would come back to the Florida and there Maria would be.
Sure, she would be there after this was over.
After this was over.
Yes, after this was over.
If he did this well he would rate a meal at Gaylord's.
Gaylord's was the place where you met famous peasant and worker Spanish commanders who had sprung to arms from the people at the start of the war without any previous military training and found that many of them spoke Russian.
That had been the first big disillusion to him a few months back and he had started to be cynical to himself about it.
But when he realized how it happened it was all right.
They _were_ peasants and workers.
They had been active in the 1934 revolution and had to flee the country when it failed and in Russia they had sent them to the military academy and to the Lenin Institute the Comintern maintained so they would be ready to fight the next time and have the necessary military education to command. The Comintern had educated them there.
In a revolution you could not admit to outsiders who helped you nor that any one knew more than he was supposed to know.
He had learned that.
If a thing was right fundamentally the lying was not supposed to matter. There was a lot of lying though. He did not care for the lying at first. He hated it. Then later he had come to like it. It was part of being an insider but it was a very corrupting business.
It was at Gaylord's that you learned that Valentin Gonzalez, called El Campesino or The Peasant, had never been a peasant but was an ex-sergeant in the Spanish Foreign Legion who had deserted and fought with Abd el Krim.
That was all right, too.
Why shouldn't he be?
You had to have these peasant leaders quickly in this sort of war and a real peasant leader might be a little too much like Pablo.
You couldn't wait for the real Peasant Leader to arrive and he might have too many peasant characteristics when he did.
So you had to manufacture one.
At that, from what he had seen of Campesino, with his black beard, his thick negroid lips, and his feverish, staring eyes, he thought he might give almost as much trouble as a real peasant leader.
The last time he had seen him he seemed to have gotten to believe his own publicity and think he was a peasant.
He was a brave, tough man; no braver in the world.
But God, how he talked too much.
And when he was excited he would say anything no matter what the consequences of his indiscretion.
And those consequences had been many already.
He was a wonderful Brigade Commander though in a situation where it looked as though everything was lost.
He never knew when everything was lost and if it was, he would fight out of it.