Then the dead, hot, pale air breathes on my face again.
He could fix it all right, if he just would.
And he dont even know it.
He could do everything for me if he just knowed it.
The cow breathes upon my hips and back, her breath warm, sweet, stertorous, moaning.
The sky lies flat down the slope, upon the secret dumps.
Beyond the hill sheet-lightning stains upward and fades.
The dead air shapes the dead earth in the dead darkness, further away than seeing shapes the dead earth.
It lies dead and warm upon me, touching me naked through my clothes.
I said You dont know what worry is.
I dont know what it is.
I dont know whether I am worrying or not.
Whether I can or not.
I dont know whether I can cry or not.
I dont know whether I have tried to or not.
I feel like a wet seed wild in the hot blind earth.
Vardaman
When they get it finished they are going to put her in it and then for a long time I couldn't say it.
I saw the dark stand up and go whirling away and I said
"Are you going to nail her up in it, Cash?
Cash?
Cash?”
I got shut up in the crib the new door it was too heavy for me it went shut I couldn't breathe because the rat was breathing up all the air.
I said
"Are you going to nail it shut, Cash?
Nail it?
Nail it?"
Pa walks around.
His shadow walks around, over Cash going up and down above the saw, at the bleeding plank.
Dewey Dell said we will get some bananas.
The train is behind the glass, red on the track.
When it runs the track shines on and off.
Pa said flour and sugar and coffee costs so much.
Because I am a country boy because boys in town.
Bicycles.
Why do flour and sugar and coffee cost so much when he is a country boy.
"Wouldn't you ruther have some bananas instead?"
Bananas are gone, eaten.
Gone.
When it runs on the track shines again.
"Why aint I a town boy, pa?"
I said. God made me.
I did not said to God to made me in the country.
If He can make the train, why cant He make them all in the town because flour and sugar and coffee.
"Wouldn't you ruther have bananas?"
He walks around. His shadow walks around.
It was not her.
I was there, looking.
I saw.
I thought it was her, but it was not.