He dont even know it.
From the back porch I cannot see the barn.
Then the sound of Cash's sawing comes in from that way.
It is like a dog outside the house, going back and forth around the house to whatever door you come to, waiting to come in.
He said I worry more than you do and I said You dont know what worry is so I cant worry.
I try to but I cant think long enough to worry.
I light the kitchen lamp.
The fish, cut into jagged pieces, bleeds quietly in the pan.
I put it into the cupboard quick, listening into the hall, hearing.
It took her ten days to die; maybe she dont know it is yet.
Maybe she wont go until Cash.
Or maybe until Jewel.
I take the dish of greens from the cupboard and the bread pan from the cold stove, and I stop, watching the door.
"Where's Vardaman?" Cash says.
In the lamp his sawdusted arms look like sand.
"I dont know.
I aint seen him." “Peabody's team run away. See if you can find Vardaman. The horse will let him catch him."
"Well.
Tell them to come to supper."
I cannot see the barn.
I said, I dont know how to worry.
I dont know how to cry.
I tried, but I cant.
After a while the sound of the saw comes around, coming dark along the ground in the dust-dark.
Then I can see him, going up and down above the plank.
"You come in to supper," I say.
"Tell him."
He could do everything for me.
And he dont know it.
He is his guts and I am my guts.
And I am Lafe's guts.
That's it.
I dont see why he didn't stay in town.
We are country people, not as good as town people.
I dont see why he didn't.
Then I can see the top of the barn.
The cow stands at the foot of the path, lowing.
When I turn back, Cash is gone.
I carry the buttermilk in.
Pa and Cash and he are at the table.
"Where's that big fish Bud caught, sister?" he says.
I set the milk on the table.
"I never had no time to cook it."
"Plain turnip greens is mighty spindling eating for a man my size," he says.
Cash is eating.
About his head the print of his hat is sweated into his hair.
His shirt is blotched with sweat.
He has not washed his hands and arms.
"You ought to took time," pa says.
"Where's Vardaman?"