With me, constantly.
I don't think it's nice, however, and, you know, Keller, I reproach myself most of all for it.
It's as if you had told me about myself just now.
I've even happened to think sometimes," the prince went on very seriously, being genuinely and deeply interested, "that all people are like that, so that I even began to approve of myself, because it's very hard to resist these double thoughts; I've experienced it.
God knows how they come and get conceived.
But here you've called it outright meanness!
Now I'll begin to fear these thoughts again.
In any case, I'm not your judge.
But all the same, in my opinion, that can't be called outright meanness, don't you think?
You used cunning in order to wheedle money out of me by means of tears, but you swear yourself that your confession had another, noble purpose, not only money. As for the money, you need it to go carousing, right?
After such a confession, that is, naturally, pusillanimous.
But how, also, is one to give up carousing in a single moment?
It's impossible.
What then is to be done?
Best of all is to leave it to your own conscience, don't you think?"
The prince looked at Keller with extreme curiosity.
The question of double thoughts had evidently occupied him for a long time.
"Well, why they call you an idiot after that, I don't understand!" exclaimed Keller.
The prince blushed slightly.
"The preacher Bourdaloue wouldn't have spared a man, but you spared a man and reasoned about me in a human way!
To punish myself and show that I'm touched, I don't want a hundred and fifty roubles, give me just twenty-five roubles, and enough!
That's all I need for at least two weeks.
I won't come for money before two weeks from now.
I wanted to give Agashka a treat, but she doesn't deserve it.
Oh, dear Prince, God bless you!"
Lebedev came in at last, having only just returned, and, noticing the twenty-five-rouble note in Keller's hand, he winced.
But Keller, finding himself in possession of the money, hurried off and effaced himself immediately.
Lebedev at once began talking him down.
"You're unfair, he was actually sincerely repentant," the prince observed at last.
"What good is his repentance!
Exactly like me yesterday: 'mean, mean,' but it's all just words, sir!"
"So with you it was just words?
And I thought . . ."
"Well, to you, to you alone I'll tell the truth, because you can see through a man: words, deeds, lies, truth—they're all there together in me and completely sincere.
The truth and deeds in me are made up of sincere repentance, believe it or not, I'll swear to it, but the words and lies are made up of an infernal (and ever-present) notion, of somehow snaring a man here, too, of somehow profiting even from tears of repentance!
By God, it's so!
I wouldn't have told any other man—he'd laugh or spit; but you, Prince, you reason in a human way."
"There, now, that's exactly what he just said to me," cried the prince, "and it's as if you're both boasting! You even surprise me, only he's more sincere than you are, with you it's turned into a decided profession.
Well, enough, don't wince, Lebedev, and don't put your hands to your heart.
Haven't you got something to tell me?
You never come for nothing . . ."
Lebedev began grimacing and squirming.
"I've been waiting for you all day so as to ask you a single question; at least once in your life tell me the truth straight off: did you participate to any extent in that carriage yesterday or not?"
Lebedev again began grimacing, tittering, rubbing his hands, and finally went into a sneezing fit, but still could not bring himself to say anything.
"I see you did."
"But indirectly, only indirectly!
It's the real truth I'm telling!
I participated only by sending a timely message to a certain person, that such-and-such a company had gathered at my place and that certain persons were present."
"I know you sent your son there, he told me himself earlier, but what sort of intrigue is this!" the prince exclaimed in impatience.
"It's not my intrigue, not mine," Lebedev waved his hands, "others, others are in it, and it's sooner, so to speak, a fantasy than an intrigue."