'Not even fried?' asked the soldier.
'Not even fried.'
Both spat.
'Well, what does the brute eat?'
'God knows.
These dogs are as spoiled and pampered as an archbishop.'
The soldier and the civilian clinked glasses and the latter whispered again:
'Once a black porn which I needed for some kennels over the Klamovka wouldn't look at sausage either.
I followed it for three days, until I couldn't hold out any longer and asked the lady who was leading it straight out what it actually was fed on, because it was so beautiful.
The lady was flattered and said that it liked cutlets best.
And so I bought it a schnitzel.
I thought a schnitzel was better.
And do you know the brute wouldn't even look at it, because the schnitzel was veal and it was used to pork.
So after all I had to buy it a pork cutlet.
I let the dog smell it first, and then I ran away with the dog following me.
The lady shouted:
"Puntik, Puntik! ", but where was her dear Puntik?
It ran after the pork cutlet as far as the corner and beyond. Then I put a lead round its neck and the next day it was already in the kennels over the Klamovka.
It had a patch of white tufts under its neck and they blacked it over and nobody recognized it. But the other dogs, and there were a lot of them, all went for fried horsemeat sausage. It would be best if you asked the maid what the dog likes to eat most; you're a soldier, you've a fine figure and she's more likely to tell you.
I've already asked her, but she looked at me as though she wanted to stab me and said:
"What business is it of yours?"
She isn't very pretty, she's like a monkey but with a soldier like you she'll certainly talk.'
'Is it really a stable pinscher?
My lieutenant doesn't want anything else.'
'It's a very natty stable pinscher.
Pepper and salt, real thoroughbred just as you're Svejk and I'm Blahnik.
What I want to know is what it eats and I'll give it that and bring it to you.'
Both friends clinked their glasses again.
When before the war Svejk was still making his living on the sale of dogs Blahnik used to supply him with them.
He was an experienced man and it was said of him that he bought suspicious dogs illegally from the skinner's yard and resold them.
He even once had rabies and was quite at home in the Pasteur Institute in Vienna.
Now he considered it his duty to give his disinterested help to the soldier Svejk.
He knew all the dogs in the whole of Prague and its surroundings and spoke quietly because he had to be careful not to betray himself to the landlord. Six months ago he had carried away from him a dachshund puppy concealed under his coat, and given it a baby's bottle to suck, so that the stupid puppy obviously regarded him as its mummy and never made a sound.
On principle he only stole thoroughbreds and might have been a legal expert on them.
He supplied all kennels and private persons as opportunity offered, and when he walked along the street all the dogs which he had once stolen growled at him.
It sometimes happened that when he stood somewhere near a shop window a dog, anxious to pay him back, would lift its leg over him and besprinkle his trousers.
At eight o'clock the next morning the good soldier Svejk could be seen walking at the corner ofHavlfcek Square by the park.
He was waiting for the maid with the stable pinscher.
Finally she came and a whiskered, bristly dog with a rough coat and wise black eyes ran past him. It was skittish like all dogs are when they have performed their needs and ran after sparrows which were breakfasting on horse dung in the street.
Then the woman who was looking after the dog came past Svejk.
She was an elderly spinster and her hair was neatly plaited into a crown.
She whistled to the dog and brandished a chain and an elegant whip.
Svejk spoke to her:
'Excuse me, miss, would you please tell me which is the way to Zizkov?'
She stopped and looked at him, to sec whether the question was honestly meant and the good-natured face of Svejk told her that actually this soldier perhaps really wanted to go to Zizkov.
The expression of her face softened and she gladly explained how to get there.
'I've only recently been transferred to Prague,' said Svejk. 'I don't come from here. I'm from the country.
You aren't from Prague either, are you?'
'I'm from Vodnany.'
'Then we're not far away from each other,' answered Svejk. 'I'm from Protivin.'