Into the bargain she brought two suitcases with her, as if she was coming home.'
The lieutenant gave another loud sigh and Svejk did the same.
'What did you say?' shouted the lieutenant menacingly.
'Humbly report, sir, it's a difficult case.
Two years ago a young lady came into an upholsterer's in Vojtesska Street and he couldn't get her out of the apartment and had to gas both her and himself, and that was the end of the fun.
It's difficult with women.
I can see right through them.'
'A difficult case,' repeated the lieutenant after Svejk, and he had never uttered a more truthful word.
Dear Heinrich was definitely in an ugly situation.
A wife, persecuted by her husband, comes to him on a visit of several days, just when he's expecting to have Mrs Mickova from Treboi'i. She is coming to him for three days to repeat what she regularly offers him every quarter, when she comes to Prague to do her shopping.
And then the day after, a young lady is going to come.
She had definitely promised him that she would let herself be seduced after having thought it over for a whole week, as she was going to be married to an engineer a month later.
The lieutenant now sat on the table with his head in his hands. He pondered in silence, but for the time being he could think of nothing else except at last to sit down at the table, take official paper and envelope and write as follows:
Dear Katy, On duty until nine p.m. Back at ten.
Please make yourself at horne with me.
As for my batman, Svejk, I've already given him orders to oblige you in everything.
Your Heinrich.
'Take this letter to the lady,' said the lieutenant.
'Your orders are to behave to her politely and tactfully and to fulfil all her wishes, which you must regard as a command.
You must behave gallantly and serve her decently.
Here's a hundred crowns, for which you must account to me, in case she may want to send you for something and you can order her lunch, dinner and so on.
Then buy three bottles of wine and a packet of cigarettes.
All right, then.
Nothing more for the present.
You can go, and once more let me impress upon you that you must obey her slightest whim.'
The young lady had already lost all hope of seeing Svejk and was therefore very surprised when she saw him corning out of the barracks in her direction with a letter.
After saluting her he handed her the letter and reported:
'By orders of the lieutenant, madam, I am to behave to you politely and tactfully, serve you decently and obey your slightest whim.
I am to feed you and buy for you whatever you wish.
I have received from the lieutenant a hundred crowns, but out of it I have to buy three bottles of wine and a packet of cigarettes.'
When she had read the letter her resolution returned, which was manifested by her ordering Svejk to call a fiacre, and when this was done, she bade him sit on the box-seat with the driver.
They drove horne.
When they were in the apartment the lady was excellent in playing the role of mistress of the house.
Svejk had to carry her suitcases into the bedroom and beat the carpets in the courtyard, and a tiny little spider's web behind a mirror brought her to a state offury.
Everything seemed to confirm that she intended to dig herself in for a long time in the position she had won . .Svejk sweated.
After he had beaten the carpets, she took it into her head that the curtains had to be taken down and beaten too.
Then he got orders to clean the windows in the sitting-room and in the kitchen.
After that she began to move the furniture about, doing so very nervily, and when .Svejk moved it all from corner to corner she was not pleased and made new plans and thought out new arrangements.
She turned everything in the apartment upside down but gradually her energy in building the nest began to peter out and she stopped harrying him.
She took clean bed linen out of the linen cupboard and put the covers on the pillows and eiderdown.
It was clear that she did this with affection for the bed, which object induced in her a sensual trembling of the nostrils.
Then she sent Svejk to get lunch and wine. And before he came back she changed into a transparent gown, which made her exceptionally alluring and attractive.
At lunch she consumed a bottle of wine, smoked many cigarettes and got into bed, while Svejk in the kitchen was enjoying his army bread, which he soaked in a glass of some sweet spirit.
'Svejk!' could be heard from the bedroom,
'Svejk!'
Svejk opened the door and saw the young lady in an alluring position on the pillows.
'Come in!'
Svejk walked towards the bed.
With a peculiar smile she measured up his stocky figure and powerful thighs.
Pulling aside the delicate material which veiled and concealed everything, she said severely: