I would have drawn from it an augury of my future, but there is no limit to the possibilities of misfortune.
The door of my lodging-house stood ajar.
A light streamed from the heart-shaped opening cut in the shutters.
Pauline and her mother were sitting up for me and talking.
I heard my name spoken, and listened.
"'Raphael is much nicer-looking than the student in number seven,' said Pauline; 'his fair hair is such a pretty color.
Don't you think there is something in his voice, too, I don't know what it is, that gives you a sort of a thrill?
And, then, though he may be a little proud, he is very kind, and he has such fine manners; I am sure that all the ladies must be quite wild about him.'
"'You might be fond of him yourself, to hear you talk,' was Madame Gaudin's comment.
"'He is just as dear to me as a brother,' she laughed.
'I should be finely ungrateful if I felt no friendship for him.
Didn't he teach me music and drawing and grammar, and everything I know in fact?
You don't much notice how I get on, dear mother; but I shall know enough, in a while, to give lessons myself, and then we can keep a servant.'
"I stole away softly, made some noise outside, and went into their room to take the lamp, that Pauline tried to light for me.
The dear child had just poured soothing balm into my wounds.
Her outspoken admiration had given me fresh courage.
I so needed to believe in myself and to come by a just estimate of my advantages.
This revival of hope in me perhaps colored my surroundings. Perhaps also I had never before really looked at the picture that so often met my eyes, of the two women in their room; it was a scene such as Flemish painters have reproduced so faithfully for us, that I admired in its delightful reality.
The mother, with the kind smile upon her lips, sat knitting stockings by the dying fire; Pauline was painting hand-screens, her brushes and paints, strewn over the tiny table, made bright spots of color for the eye to dwell on. When she had left her seat and stood lighting my lamp, one must have been under the yoke of a terrible passion indeed, not to admire her faintly flushed transparent hands, the girlish charm of her attitude, the ideal grace of her head, as the lamplight fell full on her pale face.
Night and silence added to the charms of this industrious vigil and peaceful interior.
The light-heartedness that sustained such continuous toil could only spring from devout submission and the lofty feelings that it brings.
"There was an indescribable harmony between them and their possessions.
The splendor of Foedora's home did not satisfy; it called out all my worst instincts; something in this lowly poverty and unfeigned goodness revived me.
It may have been that luxury abased me in my own eyes, while here my self-respect was restored to me, as I sought to extend the protection that a man is so eager to make felt, over these two women, who in the bare simplicity of the existence in their brown room seemed to live wholly in the feelings of their hearts.
As I came up to Pauline, she looked at me in an almost motherly way; her hands shook a little as she held the lamp, so that the light fell on me and cried:
"'Dieu! how pale you are! and you are wet through!
My mother will try to wipe you dry. Monsieur Raphael,' she went on, after a little pause, 'you are so very fond of milk, and to-night we happen to have some cream. Here, will you not take some?'
"She pounced like a kitten, on a china bowl full of milk. She did it so quickly, and put it before me so prettily, that I hesitated.
"'You are going to refuse me?' she said, and her tones changed.
"The pride in each felt for the other's pride. It was Pauline's poverty that seemed to humiliate her, and to reproach me with my want of consideration, and I melted at once and accepted the cream that might have been meant for her morning's breakfast.
The poor child tried not to show her joy, but her eyes sparkled.
"'I needed it badly,' I said as I sat down. (An anxious look passed over her face.) 'Do you remember that passage, Pauline, where Bossuet tells how God gave more abundant reward for a cup of cold water than for a victory?'
"'Yes,' she said, her heart beating like some wild bird's in a child's hands.
"'Well, as we shall part very soon, now,' I went on in an unsteady voice, 'you must let me show my gratitude to you and to your mother for all the care you have taken of me.'
"'Oh, don't let us cast accounts,' she said laughing.
But her laughter covered an agitation that gave me pain.
I went on without appearing to hear her words: "'My piano is one of Erard's best instruments; and you must take it.
Pray accept it without hesitation; I really could not take it with me on the journey I am about to make.'
"Perhaps the melancholy tones in which I spoke enlightened the two women, for they seemed to understand, and eyed me with curiosity and alarm.
Here was the affection that I had looked for in the glacial regions of the great world, true affection, unostentatious but tender, and possibly lasting.
"'Don't take it to heart so,' the mother said; 'stay on here.
My husband is on his way towards us even now,' she went on.
'I looked into the Gospel of St. John this evening while Pauline hung our door-key in a Bible from her fingers.
The key turned; that means that Gaudin is in health and doing well.
Pauline began again for you and for the young man in number seven—it turned for you, but not for him.
We are all going to be rich.
Gaudin will come back a millionaire. I dreamed once that I saw him in a ship full of serpents; luckily the water was rough, and that means gold or precious stones from over-sea.'
"The silly, friendly words were like the crooning lullaby with which a mother soothes her sick child; they in a manner calmed me.
There was a pleasant heartiness in the worthy woman's looks and tones, which, if it could not remove trouble, at any rate soothed and quieted it, and deadened the pain.
Pauline, keener-sighted than her mother, studied me uneasily; her quick eyes seemed to read my life and my future.