Julien, on his side, had since coming to the country lived like an absolute child, and been as happy as his pupils in running after the butterflies.
After so long a period of constraint and wary diplomacy, he was at last alone and far from human observation; he was instinctively free from any apprehension on the score of Madame de Renal, and abandoned himself to the sheer pleasure of being alive, which is so keen at so young an age, especially among the most beautiful mountains in the world.
Ever since Madame Derville's arrival, Julien thought that she was his friend; he took the first opportunity of showing her the view from the end of the new avenue, under the walnut tree; as a matter of fact it is equal, if not superior, to the most wonderful views that Switzerland and the Italian lakes can offer.
If you ascend the steep slope which commences some paces from there, you soon arrive at great precipices fringed by oak forests, which almost jut on to the river.
It was to the peaked summits of these rocks that Julien, who was now happy, free, and king of the household into the bargain, would take the two friends, and enjoy their admiration these sublime views.
"To me it's like Mozart's music," Madame Derville would say.
The country around Verrieres had been spoilt for Julien by the jealousy of his brothers and the presence of a tyranous and angry father.
He was free from these bitter memories at Vergy; for the first time in his life, he failed to see an enemy.
When, as frequently happened, M. de Renal was in town, he ventured to read; soon, instead of reading at night time, a procedure, moreover, which involved carefully hiding his lamp at the bottom of a flower-pot turned upside down, he was able to indulge in sleep; in the day, however, in the intervals between the children's lessons, he would come among these rocks with that book which was the one guide of his conduct and object of his enthusiasm.
He found in it simultaneously happiness, ecstasy and consolation for his moments of discouragement.
Certain remarks of Napoleon about women, several discussions about the merits of the novels which were fashionable in his reign, furnished him now for the first time with some ideas which any other young man of his age would have had for a long time.
The dog days arrived.
They started the habit of spending the evenings under an immense pine tree some yards from the house.
The darkness was profound.
One evening, Julien was speaking and gesticulating, enjoying to the full the pleasure of being at his best when talking to young women; in one of his gestures, he touched the hand of Madame de Renal which was leaning on the back of one of those chairs of painted wood, which are so frequently to be seen in gardens.
The hand was quickly removed, but Julien thought it a point of duty to secure that that hand should not be removed when he touched it.
The idea of a duty to be performed and the consciousness of his stultification, or rather of his social inferiority, if he should fail in achieving it, immediately banished all pleasure from his heart. _____
CHAPTER IX
AN EVENING IN THE COUNTRY _____
M. Guerin's Dido, a charming sketch!—Strombeck. _____
His expression was singular when he saw Madame de Renal the next day; he watched her like an enemy with whom he would have to fight a duel.
These looks, which were so different from those of the previous evening, made Madame de Renal lose her head; she had been kind to him and he appeared angry.
She could not take her eyes off his.
Madame Derville's presence allowed Julien to devote less time to conversation, and more time to thinking about what he had in his mind.
His one object all this day was to fortify himself by reading the inspired book that gave strength to his soul.
He considerably curtailed the children's lessons, and when Madame de Renal's presence had effectually brought him back to the pursuit of his ambition, he decided that she absolutely must allow her hand to rest in his that evening.
The setting of the sun which brought the crucial moment nearer and nearer made Julien's heart beat in a strange way.
Night came.
He noticed with a joy, which took an immense weight off his heart, that it was going to be very dark.
The sky, which was laden with big clouds that had been brought along by a sultry wind, seemed to herald a storm.
The two friends went for their walk very late.
All they did that night struck Julien as strange.
They were enjoying that hour which seems to give certain refined souls an increased pleasure in loving.
At last they sat down, Madame de Renal beside Julien, and Madame Derville near her friend.
Engrossed as he was by the attempt which he was going to make, Julien could think of nothing to say.
The conversation languished.
"Shall I be as nervous and miserable over my first duel?" said Julien to himself; for he was too suspicious both of himself and of others, not to realise his own mental state.
In his mortal anguish, he would have preferred any danger whatsoever.
How many times did he not wish some matter to crop up which would necessitate Madame de Renal going into the house and leaving the garden!
The violent strain on Julien's nerves was too great for his voice not to be considerably changed; soon Madame de Renal's voice became nervous as well, but Julien did not notice it.
The awful battle raging between duty and timidity was too painful, for him to be in a position to observe anything outside himself.
A quarter to ten had just struck on the chateau clock without his having ventured anything.
Julien was indignant at his own cowardice, and said to himself, "at the exact moment when ten o'clock strikes, I will perform what I have resolved to do all through the day, or I will go up to my room and blow out my brains."
After a final moment of expectation and anxiety, during which Julien was rendered almost beside himself by his excessive emotion, ten o'clock struck from the clock over his head.
Each stroke of the fatal clock reverberated in his bosom, and caused an almost physical pang.
Finally, when the last stroke of ten was still reverberating, he stretched out his hand and took Madame de Renal's, who immediately withdrew it.
Julien, scarcely knowing what he was doing, seized it again.
In spite of his own excitement, he could not help being struck by the icy coldness of the hand which he was taking; he pressed it convulsively; a last effort was made to take it away, but in the end the hand remained in his.
His soul was inundated with happiness, not that he loved Madame de Renal, but an awful torture had just ended.
He thought it necessary to say something, to avoid Madame Derville noticing anything. His voice was now strong and ringing.