It is his right and it is my duty. He is the father of my child.
If your kindness will go so far as to grant us six thousand francs to live on, I will receive it with gratitude; if not, Julien reckons on establishing himself at Besancon, where he will set up as a Latin and literature master.
However low may have been the station from which he springs, I am certain he will raise himself.
With him I do not fear obscurity.
If there is a revolution, I am sure that he will play a prime part.
Can you say as much for any of those who have asked for my hand?
They have fine estates, you say.
I cannot consider that circumstance a reason for admiring them.
My Julien would attain a high position, even under the present regime, if he had a million and my father's protection...."
Mathilde, who knew that the marquis was a man who always abandoned himself to his first impulse, had written eight pages.
"What am I to do?" said Julien to himself while M. de la Mole was reading this letter.
"Where is (first) my duty; (second) my interest?
My debt to him is immense. Without him I should have been a menial scoundrel, and not even enough of a scoundrel to be hated and persecuted by the others.
He has made me a man of the world.
The villainous acts which I now have to do are (first) less frequent; (second) less mean.
That is more than as if he had given me a million.
I am indebted to him for this cross and the reputation of having rendered those alleged diplomatic services, which have lifted me out of the ruck.
"If he himself were writing instructions for my conduct, what would he prescribe?"
Julien was sharply interrupted by M. de la Mole's old valet.
"The marquis wants to see you at once, dressed or not dressed."
The valet added in a low voice, as he walked by Julien's side,
"He is beside himself: look out!" _____
CHAPTER LXIII
THE HELL OF WEAKNESS _____
A clumsy lapidary, in cutting this diamond, deprived it of some of its most brilliant facets.
In the middle ages, nay, even under Richelieu, the Frenchman had force of will.—Mirabeau. _____
Julien found the marquis furious. For perhaps the first time in his life this nobleman showed bad form. He loaded Julien with all the insults that came to his lips.
Our hero was astonished, and his patience was tried, but his gratitude remained unshaken.
"The poor man now sees the annihilation, in a single minute, of all the fine plans which he has long cherished in his heart.
But I owe it to him to answer. My silence tends to increase his anger."
The part of Tartuffe supplied the answer;
"I am not an angel.... I served you well; you paid me generously.... I was grateful, but I am twenty-two.... Only you and that charming person understood my thoughts in this household."
"Monster," exclaimed the marquis.
"Charming! Charming, to be sure!
The day when you found her charming you ought to have fled."
"I tried to. It was then that I asked permission to leave for Languedoc."
Tired of stampeding about and overcome by his grief, the marquis threw himself into an arm-chair.
Julien heard him whispering to himself,
"No, no, he is not a wicked man."
"No, I am not, towards you," exclaimed Julien, falling on his knees.
But he felt extremely ashamed of this manifestation, and very quickly got up again.
The marquis was really transported.
When he saw this movement, he began again to load him with abominable insults, which were worthy of the driver of a fiacre.
The novelty of these oaths perhaps acted as a distraction.
"What! is my daughter to go by the name of madame Sorel?
What! is my daughter not to be a duchess?"
Each time that these two ideas presented themselves in all their clearness M. de la Mole was a prey to torture, and lost all power over the movements of his mind.
Julien was afraid of being beaten.
In his lucid intervals, when he was beginning to get accustomed to his unhappiness, the marquis addressed to Julien reproaches which were reasonable enough.
"You should have fled, sir," he said to him.