I know you did not want to, that's all.
I could see it in your face.'
'See what in my face?'
I've already told you.
I could see you did not want to go.
Oh, do let's have an end to it.
I'm sick to death of the subject.'
'All women say that when they've lost an argument.
All right, I did not want to go to the other beach. Will that please you?
I never go near the bloody place, or that God-damned cottage.
And if you had my memories you would not want to go there either, or talk about it, or even think about it.
There. You can digest that if you like, and I hope it satisfies you.'
His face was white, and his eyes strained and wretched with that dark lost look they had had when I first met him.
I put out my hand to him, I took hold of his, holding it tight.
'Please, Maxim, please,' I said.
'What's the matter?' he said roughly.
'I don't want you to look like that,' I said.
'It hurts too much.
Please, Maxim.
Let's forget all we said.
A futile silly argument.
I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry.
Please let everything be all right.'
'We ought to have stayed in Italy,' he said.
'We ought never to have come back to Manderley.
Oh, God, what a fool I was to come back.'
He brushed through the trees impatiently, striding even faster than before, and I had to run to keep pace with him, catching at my breath, tears very near the surface, dragging poor Jasper after me on the end of his string.
At last we came to the top of the path, and I saw its fellow branching left to the Happy Valley.
We had climbed the path then that Jasper had wished to take at the beginning of the afternoon.
I knew now why Jasper had turned to it.
It led to the beach he knew best, and the cottage.
It was his old routine.
We came out on to the lawns, and went across them to the house without a word.
Maxim's face was hard, with no expression.
He went straight into the hall and on to the library without looking at me.
Frith was in the hall.
'We want tea at once,' said Maxim, and he shut the library door.
I fought to keep back my tears.
Frith must not see them.
He would think we had been quarrelling, and he would go to the servants' hall and say to them all,
'Mrs de Winter was crying in the hall just now.
It looks as though things are not going very well.'
I turned away, so that Frith should not see my face. He came towards me though, he began to help me off with my mackintosh.
'I'll put your raincoat away for you in the flower-room, Madam,' he said.
'Thank you, Frith,' I replied, my face still away from him.
'Not a very pleasant afternoon for a walk, I fear, Madam.'
'No,' I said.
'No, it was not very nice.'
'Your handkerchief, Madam?' he said, picking up something that had fallen on the floor.
'Thank you,' I said, putting it in my pocket.