By midday what I expected happens.
One of the recruits has a fit.
I have been watching him for a long time, grinding his teeth and opening and shutting his fists.
These hunted, protruding eyes, we know them too well.
During the last few hours he has had merely the appearance of calm.
He had collapsed like a rotten tree.
Now he stands up, stealthily creeps across the floor hesitates a moment and then glides towards the door.
I intercept him and say:
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be back in a minute," says he, and tries to push past me.
"Wait a bit, the shelling will stop soon."
He listens for a moment and his eyes become clear.
Then again he has the glowering eyes of a mad dog, he is silent, he shoves me aside.
"One minute, lad," I say.
Kat notices.
Just as the recruit shakes me off Kat jumps in and we hold him.
Then he begins to rave:
"Leave me alone, let me go out, I will go out!"
He won't listen to anything and hits out, his mouth is wet and pours out words, half choked, meaningless words.
It is a case of claustrophobia, he feels as though he is suffocating here and wants to get out at any price.
If we let him go he would run about everywhere regardless of cover.
He is not the first.
Though he raves and his eyes roll, it can't be helped, we have to give him a hiding to bring him to his senses.
We do it quickly and mercilessly, and at last he sits down quietly.
The others have turned pale; let's hope it deters them.
This bombardment is too much for the poor devils, they have been sent straight from a recruiting-depot into a barrage that is enough to turn an old soldier's hair grey.
After this affair the sticky, close atmosphere works more than ever on our nerves.
We sit as if in our graves waiting only to be closed in.
Suddenly it howls and flashes terrifically, the dug-out cracks in all its joints under a direct hit, fortunately only a light one that the concrete blocks are able to withstand.
It rings metallically, the walls reel, rifles, helmets, earth, mud, and dust fly everywhere.
Sulphur fumes pour in.
If we were in one of those light dug-outs that they have been building lately instead of this deeper one, none of us would be alive.
But the effect is bad enough even so.
The recruit starts to rave again and two others follow suit.
One jumps up and rushes out, we have trouble with the other two.
I start after the one who escapes and wonder whether to shoot him in the leg—then it shrieks again, I fling myself down and when I stand up the wall of the trench is plastered with smoking splinters, lumps of flesh, and bits of uniform.
I scramble back.
The first recruit seems actually to have gone insane.
He butts his head against the wall like a goat.
We must try to-night to take him to the rear.
Meanwhile we bind him, but in such a way that in case of attack he can be released at once.
Kat suggests a game of skat: it is easier when a man has something to do.
But it is no use, we listen for every explosion that comes close, miscount the tricks, and fail to follow suit.
We have to give it up.
We sit as though in a boiler that is being belaboured from without on all sides.
Night again.
We are deadened by the strain— a deadly tension that scrapes along one's spine like a gapped knife.
Our legs refuse to move, our hands tremble, our bodies are a thin skin stretched painfully over repressed madness, over an almost irresistible, bursting roar.
We have neither flesh nor muscles any longer, we dare not look at one another for fear of some incalculable thing.
So we shut our teeth—it will end—it will end—perhaps we will come through.