There went our wrangler.
I promised myself to go the same way when spring really bloomed and opened up the land.
And this was really the way that my whole road experience began, and the things that were to come are too fantastic not to tell.
Yes, and it wasn't only because I was a writer and needed new experiences that I wanted to know Dean more, and because my life hanging around the campus had reached the completion of its cycle and was stultified, but because, somehow, in spite of our difference in character, he reminded me of some long-lost brother; the sight of his suffering bony face with the long sideburns and his straining muscular sweating neck made me remember my boyhood in those dye-dumps and swim-holes and riversides of Paterson and the Passaic.
His dirty workclothes clung to him so gracefully, as though you couldn't buy a better fit from a custom tailor but only earn it from the Natural Tailor of Natural Joy, as Dean had, in his stresses.
And in his excited way of speaking I heard again the voices of old companions and brothers under the bridge, among the motorcycles, along the wash-lined neighborhood and drowsy doorsteps of afternoon where boys played guitars while their older brothers worked in the mills.
All my other current friends were "intellectuals" – Chad the Nietzschean anthropologist, Carlo Marx and his nutty surrealist low-voiced serious staring talk, Old Bull Lee and his critical anti-every-thing drawl – or else they were slinking criminals like Elmer Hassel, with that hip sneer; Jane Lee the same, sprawled on the Oriental cover of her couch, sniffing at the New Yorker.
But Dean's intelligence was every bit as formal and shining and complete, without the tedious intellectualness.
And his "criminality" was not something that sulked and sneered; it was a wild yea-saying overburst of American joy; it was Western, the west wind, an ode from the Plains, something new, long prophesied, long a-coming (he only stole cars for joy rides).
Besides, all my New York friends were in the negative, nightmare position of putting down society and giving their tired bookish or political or psychoanalytical reasons, but Dean just raced in society, eager for bread and love; he didn't care one way or the other, "so long's I can get that lil ole gal with that lil sumpin down there tween her legs, boy," and "so long's we can eat, son, y'ear me? I'm hungry, I'm starving, let's eat right now!" – and off we'd rush to eat, whereof, as saith Ecclesiastes,
"It is your portion under the sun."
A western kinsman of the sun, Dean.
Although my aunt warned me that he would get me in trouble, I could hear a new call and see a new horizon, and believe it at my young age; and a little bit of trouble or even Dean's eventual rejection of me as a buddy, putting me down, as he would later, on starving sidewalks and sickbeds – what did it matter?
I was a young writer and I wanted to take off.
Somewhere along the line I knew there'd be girls, visions, everything; somewhere along the line the pearl would be handed to me.
2
In the month of July 1947, having saved about fifty dollars from old veteran benefits, I was ready to go to the West Coast.
My friend Remi Boncœur had written me a letter from San Francisco, saying I should come and ship out with him on an around-the-world liner.
He swore he could get me into the engine room.
I wrote back and said I'd be satisfied with any old freighter so long as I could take a few long Pacific trips and come back with enough money to support myself in my aunt's house while I finished my book.
He said he had a shack in Mill City and I would have all the time in the world to write there while we went through the rigmarole of getting the ship.
He was living with a girl called Lee Ann; he said she was a marvelous cook and everything would jump.
Remi was an old prep-school friend, a Frenchman brought up in Paris and a really mad guy – I didn't know how mad at this time.
So he expected me to arrive in ten days.
My aunt was all in accord with my trip to the West; she said it would do me good, I'd been working so hard all winter and staying in too much; she even didn't complain when I told her I'd have to hitchhike some.
All she wanted was for me to come back in one piece.
So, leaving my big half-manuscript sitting on top of my desk, and folding back my comfortable home sheets for the last time one morning, I left with my canvas bag in which a few fundamental things were packed and took off for the Pacific Ocean with the fifty dollars in my pocket.
I'd been poring over maps of the United States in Paterson for months, even reading books about the pioneers and savoring names like Platte and Cimarron and so on, and on the road-map was one long red line called Route 6 that led from the tip of Cape Cod clear to Ely, Nevada, and there dipped down to Los Angeles.
I'll just stay on 6 all the way to Ely, I said to myself and confidently started.
To get to 6 I had to go up to Bear Mountain.
Filled with dreams of what I'd do in Chicago, in Denver, and then finally in San Fran, I took the Seventh Avenue subway to the end of the line at 242nd Street, and there took a trolley into Yonkers; in downtown Yonkers I transferred to an outgoing trolley and went to the city limits on the east bank of the Hudson River.
If you drop a rose in the Hudson River at its mysterious source in the Adirondacks, think of all the places it journeys by as it goes out to sea forever – think of that wonderful Hudson Valley.
I started hitching up the thing.
Five scattered rides took me to the desired Bear Mountain Fridge, where Route 6 arched in from New England.
It began to rain in torrents when I was let off there.
It was mountainous.
Route 6 came over the river, wound around a traffic circle, and disappeared into the wilderness.
Not only was there no traffic but the rain came down in buckets and I had no shelter.
I had to run under some pines to take cover; this did no good; I began crying and swearing and socking myself on the head for being such a damn fool.
I was forty miles north of New York; all the way up I'd been worried about the fact that on this, my big opening day, I was only moving north instead of the so-longed-for west.
Now I was stuck on my northernmost hangup.
I ran a quarter-mile to an abandoned cute English-style filling station and stood under the dripping eaves.
High up over my head the great hairy Bear Mountain sent down thunderclaps that put the fear of God in me.
All I could see were smoky trees and dismal wilderness rising to the skies.
"What the hell am I doing up here?"
I cursed, I cried for Chicago.
"Even now they're all having a big time, they're doing this, I'm not there, when will I get there!" – and so on.
Finally a car stopped at the empty filling station; the man and the two women in it wanted to study a map.
I stepped right up and gestured in the rain; they consulted; I looked like a maniac, of course, with my hair all wet, my shoes sopping.
My shoes, damn fool that I am, were Mexican huaraches, plantlike sieves not fit for the rainy night of America and the raw road night.