On Monday the women are off to the milliners to spend more money than ever; the city men are off to business to make more money than ever—while my grocer, loud in my praises in his Sunday coat, turns up his week-day sleeves and adulterates his favorite preacher's sugar as cheerfully as usual!
"I have often, in past years, felt the objections to pursuing my career which are here indicated.
They were bitterly present to my mind when I resigned my curacy, and they strongly influence me now.
"I am weary of my cheaply won success in the pulpit.
I am weary of society as I find it in my time.
I felt some respect for myself, and some heart and hope in my works among the miserable wretches in Green Anchor Fields.
But I can not, and must not, return among them: I have no right, now, to trifle with my health and my life.
I must go back to my preaching, or I must leave England.
Among a primitive people, away from the cities—in the far and fertile West of the great American continent—I might live happily with my wife, and do good among my neighbors, secure of providing for our wants out of the modest little income which is almost useless to me here.
In the life which I thus picture to myself I see love, peace, health, and duties and occupations that are worthy of a Christian man.
What prospect is before me if I take the advice of my friends and stay here?
Work of which I am weary, because I have long since ceased to respect it; petty malice that strikes at me through my wife, and mortifies and humiliates her, turn where she may.
If I had only myself to think of, I might defy the worst that malice can do.
But I have Mercy to think of—Mercy, whom I love better than my own life!
Women live, poor things, in the opinions of others.
I have had one warning already of what my wife is likely to suffer at the hands of my 'friends'—Heaven forgive me for misusing the word!
Shall I deliberately expose her to fresh mortifications?—and this for the sake of returning to a career the rewards of which I no longer prize?
No!
We will both be happy—we will both be free!
God is merciful, Nature is kind, Love is true, in the New World as well as the Old.
To the New World we will go!"
THIRD EXTRACT.
"I hardly know whether I have done right or wrong.
I mentioned yesterday to Lady Janet the cold reception of me on my return to London, and the painful sense of it felt by my wife.
"My aunt looks at the matter from her own peculiar point of view, and makes light of it accordingly.
'You never did, and never will, understand Society, Julian,' said her ladyship.
'These poor stupid people simply don't know what to do.
They are waiting to be told by a person of distinction whether they are, or are not, to recognize your marriage.
In plain English, they are waiting to be led by Me.
Consider it done.
I will lead them.'
"I thought my aunt was joking.
The event of to-day has shown me that she is terribly in earnest.
Lady Janet has issued invitations for one of her grand balls at Mablethorpe House; and sh e has caused the report to be circulated everywhere that the object of the festival is 'to celebrate the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Julian Gray!'
"I at first refused to be present.
To my amazement, however, Mercy sides with my aunt.
She reminds me of all that we both owe to Lady Janet; and she has persuaded me to alter my mind.
We are to go to the ball—at my wife express request!
"The meaning of this, as I interpret it, is that my poor love is still pursued in secret by the dread that my marriage has injured me in the general estimation.
She will suffer anything, risk anything, believe anything, to be freed from that one haunting doubt.
Lady Janet predicts a social triumph; and my wife's despair—not my wife's conviction—accepts the prophecy.
As for me, I am prepared for the result.
It will end in our going to the New World, and trying Society in its infancy, among the forests and the plains.
I shall quietly prepare for our departure, and own what I have done at the right time—that is to say, when the ball is over."
FOURTH EXTRACT.
"I have met with the man for my purpose—an old college friend of mine, now partner in a firm of ship-owners, largely concerned in emigration.
"One of their vessels sails for America, from the port of London, in a fortnight, touching at Plymouth.
By a fortunate coincidence, Lady Janet's ball takes place in a fortnight.
I see my way.
"Helped by the kindness of my friend, I have arranged to have a cabin kept in reserve, on payment of a small deposit.