In the end, however, I didnt see why I shouldnt take the latter.
It was a kindly thought on Dr Leidners part, and I was sure there wasnt any patronage about it.
Id take it in the spirit it had been offered, without any false pride.
After all, I had been fond of her.
Well, that was all done and finished with.
The suitcases packed, the jewel case locked up again and put separate to give to Dr Leidner with the photograph of Mrs Leidners father and one or two other personal little odds and ends.
The room looked bare and forlorn emptied of all its accoutrements, when Id finished.
There was nothing more for me to do and yet somehow or other I shrank from leaving the room.
It seemed as though there was something still to do there something I ought to see or something I ought to haveknown.
Im not superstitious, but the idea did pop into my head that perhaps Mrs Leidners spirit was hanging about the room and trying to get in touch with me.
I remember once at the hospital some of us girls got a planchette and really it wrote some very remarkable things.
Perhaps, although Id never thought of such a thing, I might be mediumistic.
As I say, one gets all worked up to imagine all sorts of foolishness sometimes.
I prowled round the room uneasily, touching this and that.
But, of course, there wasnt anything in the room but bare furniture.
There was nothing slipped behind drawers or tucked away.
I couldnt hope for anything of that kind.
In the end (it sounds rather batty, but as I say, one gets worked up) I did rather a queer thing.
I went and lay down in the bed and closed my eyes. I deliberately tried to forget who and what I was. I tried to think myself back to that fatal afternoon.
I was Mrs Leidner lying here resting, peaceful and unsuspicious.
Its extraordinary how you can work yourself up.
Im a perfectly normal matter-of-fact individual not the least bit spooky, but I tell you that after Id lain there about five minutes I began to feel spooky.
I didnt try to resist.
I deliberately encouraged the feeling.
I said to myself: Im Mrs Leidner.
Im Mrs Leidner.
Im lying here half asleep.
Presently very soon now the doors going to open.
I kept on saying that as though I were hypnotizing myself.
Its just about half-past one its just about the time The door is going to open the door is going to openI shall see who comes in
I kept my eyes glued on that door.
Presently it was going to open.
I should see it open.
And I should seethe person who opened it.
I must have been a little over-wrought that afternoon to imagine I could solve the mystery that way.
But I did believe it.
A sort of chill passed down my back and settled in my legs.
They felt numb-paralysed.
Youre going into a trance, I said.
And in that trance youll see
And once again I repeated monotonously again and again:
The door is going to open the door is going to open
The cold numbed feeling grew more intense.
And then, slowly, I saw the door just beginning to open.
It was horrible.
Ive never known anything so horrible before or since.
I was paralysed chilled through and through.
I couldnt move. For the life of me I couldnt have moved. And I was terrified. Sick and blind and dumb with terror.
That slowly opening door.
So noiseless.