Then he found a
"Bowditch" and books by Lecky and Marshall.
There it was; he would teach himself navigation.
He would quit drinking, work up, and become a captain.
Ruth seemed very near to him in that moment.
As a captain, he could marry her (if she would have him).
And if she wouldn’t, well-he would live a good life among men, because of Her, and he would quit drinking anyway.
Then he remembered the underwriters and the owners, the two masters a captain must serve, either of which could and would break him and whose interests were diametrically opposed.
He cast his eyes about the room and closed the lids down on a vision of ten thousand books.
No; no more of the sea for him.
There was power in all that wealth of books, and if he would do great things, he must do them on the land. Besides, captains were not allowed to take their wives to sea with them.
Noon came, and afternoon.
He forgot to eat, and sought on for the books on etiquette; for, in addition to career, his mind was vexed by a simple and very concrete problem: When you meet a young lady and she asks you to call, how soon can you call ? was the way he worded it to himself.
But when he found the right shelf, he sought vainly for the answer. He was appalled at the vast edifice of etiquette, and lost himself in the mazes of visiting-card conduct between persons in polite society.
He abandoned his search.
He had not found what he wanted, though he had found that it would take all of a man’s time to be polite, and that he would have to live a preliminary life in which to learn how to be polite.
"Did you find what you wanted?" the man at the desk asked him as he was leaving.
"Yes, sir," he answered. "You have a fine library here."
The man nodded.
"We should be glad to see you here often.
Are you a sailor?"
"Yes, sir," he answered. "And I’ll come again."
Now, how did he know that? he asked himself as he went down the stairs.
And for the first block along the street he walked very stiff and straight and awkwardly, until he forgot himself in his thoughts, whereupon his rolling gait gracefully returned to him.
CHAPTER VI
A terrible restlessness that was akin to hunger afflicted Martin Eden.
He was famished for a sight of the girl whose slender hands had gripped his life with a giant’s grasp.
He could not steel himself to call upon her.
He was afraid that he might call too soon, and so be guilty of an awful breach of that awful thing called etiquette.
He spent long hours in the Oakland and Berkeley libraries, and made out application blanks for membership for himself, his sisters Gertrude and Marian, and Jim, the latter’s consent being obtained at the expense of several glasses of beer.
With four cards permitting him to draw books, he burned the gas late in the servant’s room, and was charged fifty cents a week for it by Mr. Higginbotham.
The many books he read but served to whet his unrest.
Every page of every book was a peep-hole into the realm of knowledge.
His hunger fed upon what he read, and increased.
Also, he did not know where to begin, and continually suffered from lack of preparation.
The commonest references, that he could see plainly every reader was expected to know, he did not know.
And the same was true of the poetry he read which maddened him with delight.
He read more of Swinburne than was contained in the volume Ruth had lent him; and "Dolores" he understood thoroughly.
But surely Ruth did not understand it, he concluded.
How could she, living the refined life she did?
Then he chanced upon Kipling’s poems, and was swept away by the lilt and swing and glamour with which familiar things had been invested.
He was amazed at the man’s sympathy with life and at his incisive psychology.
Psychology was a new word in Martin’s vocabulary.
He had bought a dictionary, which deed had decreased his supply of money and brought nearer the day on which he must sail in search of more.
Also, it incensed Mr. Higginbotham, who would have preferred the money taking the form of board.
He dared not go near Ruth’s neighborhood in the daytime, but night found him lurking like a thief around the Morse home, stealing glimpses at the windows and loving the very walls that sheltered her.
Several times he barely escaped being caught by her brothers, and once he trailed Mr. Morse down town and studied his face in the lighted streets, longing all the while for some quick danger of death to threaten so that he might spring in and save her father.
On another night, his vigil was rewarded by a glimpse of Ruth through a second-story window.
He saw only her head and shoulders, and her arms raised as she fixed her hair before a mirror.
It was only for a moment, but it was a long moment to him, during which his blood turned to wine and sang through his veins.