There is no harm if you bow before your father once too many.
He will understand your position, you know. Do it. Be sure to do it."
Petenka, his arms akimbo, walked back and forth as if deliberating. Finally he halted and said:
"No, I won't.
He is not likely to give it—it's no use.
No matter what I do, even if I smash my head in bowing—he won't do it.
But you see, if you threatened him with your curse. What am I to do, granny?"
"I don't know, really.
Try and perhaps you'll soften him a bit.
How did you come to take such liberties? To lose crown money is no small matter. Did anybody inveigle you into it?"
"It just happened. I took it and lost it at cards.
Well, if you have no money of your own, give me some of the orphans'."
"What is the matter with you? Have you lost your wits? How can I let you have the orphans' money?
No, no, I can't. Don't talk to me about it, for Christ's sake."
"So you won't.
Too bad.
And I would pay good interest.
Do you want five per cent. per month? No?
Well, double the principal in a year?"
"Don't you tempt me!" shouted Arina Petrovna, throwing up her hands. "Leave me alone, for Christ's sake! It won't surprise me if father hears us and says I urged you on!
Oh, Lord!
I am an old woman, I wanted to rest a bit. I had just dozed off and then he comes with such an offer."
"Very well, then.
I am going.
So it's impossible?
Very good.
Just like kinsfolk.
On account of three thousand rubles your grandson will go to Siberia.
Don't forget to have a Te Deum sung when I go."
Petenka left the room, closing the door with a bang.
One of his flimsy hopes was gone. What was he to do next?
Only one way out was left—to confess all to father.
Who knows, perhaps, perhaps, something would——
"I'll go at once and be done with it," he said to himself. "Or no!
What can I hope for? Better tomorrow.
Yes, I think tomorrow is better. I'll tell him and leave at once."
So he decided. Tomorrow would see and end it all.
After the talk with grandmother the evening dragged on still more slowly.
Even Arina Petrovna grew silent after she had learned the real cause of Petenka's arrival.
Yudushka tried to be jocular with mother, but perceiving she was absorbed in her own thoughts, also grew silent.
Petenka did nothing but smoke.
At supper Porfiry Vladimirych asked him:
"Are you going to tell me at last why you have honored me with this visit?"
"I will tell you tomorrow," answered Petenka morosely.
_____ CHAPTER V
Petenka rose early after a sleepless night.
His harassed mind vacillated between hope and utter despair.
Perhaps he did not really know his father, but one thing he was sure of, that there was not in him a single feeling, a single weak spot that could be grasped at and made use of.
When face to face with his father, all he felt was something inexplicable.
He did not know how to approach him, what to say first, and this made him very uneasy in his presence.