Mikhail Saltykov-Shedrin Fullscreen Lord Golovleva (1880)

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To Anninka's misfortune, Kukishev soon came upon a new "idea," which he began to pursue with his usual obstinacy.

A vulgar and eminently shallow-pated man, he imagined he would reach the pinnacle of bliss if his queen would "accompany" him, that is, if she would drink vodka with him. Anninka for some time declined, referring to the fact that Lyulkin never compelled Lubinka to drink vodka.

"And yet she drinks out of love for Lyulkin," Kukishev retorted. "And may I ask you, darling, do you take the Lyulkins as an example?

They are Lyulkins, while you and I, we are Kukishevs.

Therefore we will drink in our own Kukishev way."

Kukishev had his way.

Once Anninka took a small glass of green liquid from the hands of her "beloved" and gulped it down.

Of course she saw stars, choked, coughed, became dizzy, thereby putting Kukishev in transports of delight.

"Permit me to remark, darling, that you do not drink well! You did it too fast," he instructed her, as she quieted down somewhat. "The wineglass should be held in the tiny hands, so!

Then you bring it over to the lips, slowly—one, two, three—the Lord bless us!"

And he calmly and gravely gulped down the contents of the glass, as if he were pouring vodka into a barrel.

He did not even frown, but only took a bit of black bread, dipped it in the salt cellar, and chewed it.

And so Kukishev succeeded in realizing his second "idea" and even began to plan another one, which would beat the Lyulkins hollow.

Of course he succeeded in inventing one.

"You know," he suddenly announced, "as soon as summer comes we will go to my mill with the Lyulkins, take along some provisions and bathe in the river."

"Never!" Anninka objected indignantly.

"Why not?

We will bathe, then have a cocktail, rest a little, and bathe again.

That would be delightful."

It is not known whether Kukishev's third idea materialized or not, but it is certain that this drunken debauchery lasted a whole year, during which time neither the zemstvo nor the city administration exhibited the slightest anxiety concerning Messrs. Kukishev and Lyulkin.

For appearance's sake Lyulkin visited Moscow twice, and on his return declared he had sold one of his forests. On being reminded that he had sold the same forest four years before when living with Domashka the gypsy, he answered it was another forest that he had sold that time, and, to give his tale the appearance of veracity, he added detailed information concerning the name of his newly sold forest-estate.

As for Kukishev, he gave currency to the story that he had smuggled in a large stock of embroidery from abroad, thereby earning a great deal of money.

In September of the next year the chief of police asked Kukishev for a "loan" of a thousand rubles and, Kukishev was foolish enough to refuse.

Then the police superintendent began to confer secretly with the assistant attorney. ("Both of them guzzled champagne in my house every evening," Kukishev testified later at the trial.) On September 17th, at the anniversary of Kukishev's liaison, when he and the others celebrated Lubinka's birthday again, a member of the city council came running in and announced to Kukishev that a warrant was being made out at the City Board for his arrest.

"They must have found out something!" Kukishev exclaimed rather pluckily, and without further comment followed the messenger to the council-hall, and from there to prison.

The next day the zemstvo council also took fright.

The members assembled and ordered the money in the treasury counted and recounted, and at last came to the conclusion that their treasury, too, had been drained by somebody.

Lyulkin was present at the examination, pale, gloomy, but "noble"!

When the loss had been discovered, and when it became apparent to Lyulkin that he had no hope of escaping, he walked to the window, drew a revolver from his pocket, and fired a bullet into his temple.

The event created quite a turmoil in the town.

The people pitied Lyulkin, saying, "At least he ended nobly!"

But the general opinion about Kukishev was, "He was born a shopkeeper, and a shopkeeper he will die!"

Concerning Anninka and Lubinka they simply said that "they were the cause of it all," and that it would not do any harm to put them behind the bars, too, so that in future matters might not be very inviting for such wretches.

The prosecutors, however, did not arrest them, but terrorized them so mercilessly that they were completely dismayed.

Of course there were some kind people who advised them to conceal all their valuables, but they listened and understood nothing.

Owing to this, the attorney for the plaintiffs (both councils hired the same attorney), a daring fellow, wishing to satisfy his clients, came to the sisters one day, accompanied by the process server, to take an inventory. He seized and sealed everything except their dresses and such gold and silver things as bore inscriptions showing they had been the gifts of the appreciative public.

Lubinka, however, succeeded in hiding a roll of bank-notes, presented to her the previous evening, in her corset.

It was a thousand rubles, on which the sisters would have to exist for an indefinite time.

In expectation of Kukishev's trial, they were kept in the town about four months.

Then the trial began, and the sisters, Anninka particularly, had to undergo a ruthless ordeal.

Kukishev was cynical in the extreme. He revelled in the disclosure of details, for which there was really no need, but apparently he was desirous of striking a pose before the ladies of Samovarnov and exposed everything indiscreetly.

The attorney and the private prosecutor, young and anxious to afford pleasure to the ladies, took advantage of this and endeavored to lend the proceeding a frivolous character, in which they succeeded, of course.

Anninka fainted a number of times, but the private prosecutor paid no attention to this and bombarded her with questions.

At last the investigation ended, and both sides had their say.

Late at night the jurors announced that Kukishev was guilty, but that there were alleviating circumstances. In view of this he was sentenced to be deported to Western Siberia.

When the trial was over, the sisters obtained permission to leave Samovarnov.

And it was high time, for the thousand rubles were nearly exhausted.

Besides, the manager of the Kretchetov theatre, with whom they had made arrangements, demanded that they appear in Kretchetov at once, threatening to discontinue negotiations if they delayed.

Nothing was seen or heard of the valuables and documents sealed at the demand of the private prosecutor.

Such were the consequences of their disregard for their "treasure."