He drank it, slowly, not feeling the fire at all, holding himself upright by holding to the bureau.
The whiskey went down his throat cold as molasses, without taste.
He set the empty bottle down and leaned on the bureau, his head lowered, not thinking, waiting perhaps without knowing it, perhaps not even waiting.
Then the whiskey began to burn in him and he began to shake his head slowly from side to side, while thinking became one with the slow, hot coiling and recoiling of his entrails:
‘I got to get out of here.
He reentered the hall.
Now it was his head that was clear and his body that would not behave.
He had to coax it along the hall, sliding it along one wall toward the front, thinking,
‘Come on, now; pull yourself together.
I got to get out.’
Thinking If I can just get it outside, into the air, the cool air, the cool dark He watched his hands fumbling at the door, trying to help them, to coax and control them.
‘Anyway, they didn’t lock it on me,’ he thought. ‘Sweet Jesus, I could not have got out until morning then.
It never would have opened a window and climbed through it.
He opened the door at last and passed out and closed the door behind him, arguing again with his body which did not want to bother to close the door, having to be forced to close it upon the empty house where the two lights burned with their dead and unwavering glare, not knowing that the house was empty and not caring, not caring anymore for silence and desolation than they had cared for the cheap and brutal nights of stale oftused glasses and stale oftused beds.
His body was acquiescing better, becoming docile.
He stepped from the dark porch, into the moonlight, and with his bloody head and his empty stomach hot, savage, and courageous with whiskey, he entered the street which was to run for fifteen years.
The whiskey died away in time and was renewed and died again, but the street ran on.
From that night the thousand streets ran as one street, with imperceptible corners and changes of scene, broken by intervals of begged and stolen rides, on trains and trucks, and on country wagons with he at twenty and twenty-five and thirty sitting on the seat with his still, hard face and the clothes (even when soiled and worn) of a city man and the driver of the wagon not knowing who or what the passenger was and not daring to ask.
The street ran into Oklahoma and Missouri and as far south as Mexico and then back north to Chicago and Detroit and then back south again and at last to Mississippi.
It was fifteen years long: it ran between the savage and spurious board fronts of oil towns where, his inevitable serge clothing and light shoes black with bottomless mud, he ate crude food from tin dishes that cost him ten and fifteen dollars a meal and paid for them with a roll of banknotes the size of a bullfrog and stained too with the rich mud that seemed as bottomless as the gold which it excreted.
It ran through yellow wheat fields waving beneath the fierce yellow days of labor and hard sleep in haystacks beneath the cold mad moon of September, and the brittle stars: he was in turn laborer, miner, prospector, gambling tout; he enlisted in the army, served four months and deserted and was never caught.
And always, sooner or later, the street ran through cities, through an identical and wellnigh interchangeable section of cities without remembered names, where beneath the dark and equivocal and symbolical archways of midnight he bedded with the women and paid them when he had the money, and when he did not have it he bedded anyway and then told them that he was a negro.
For a while it worked; that was while he was still in the south.
It was quite simple, quite easy.
Usually all he risked was a cursing from the woman and the matron of the house, though now and then he was beaten unconscious by other patrons, to waken later in the street or in the jail.
That was while he was still in the (comparatively speaking) south.
Because one night it did not work.
He rose from the bed and told the woman that he was a negro.
“You are?” she said. “I thought maybe you were just another wop or something.”
She looked at him, without particular interest; then she evidently saw something in his face: she said,
“What about it?
You look all right.
You ought to seen the shine I turned out just before your turn came.”
She was looking at him.
She was quite still now.
“Say, what do you think this dump is, anyhow?
The Ritz hotel?”
Then she quit talking.
She was watching his face and she began to move backward slowly before him, staring at him, her face draining, her mouth open to scream.
Then she did scream.
It took two policemen to subdue him.
At first they thought that the woman was dead.
He was sick after that.
He did not know until then that there were white women who would take a man with a black skin.
He stayed sick for two years.
Sometimes he would remember how he had once tricked or teased white men into calling him a negro in order to fight them, to beat them or be beaten; now he fought the negro who called him white.
He was in the north now, in Chicago and then Detroit.
He lived with negroes, shunning white people.
He ate with them, slept with them, belligerent, unpredictable, uncommunicative.
He now lived as man and wife with a woman who resembled an ebony carving.