Robert Lewis Stevenson Fullscreen Kidnapped (1886)

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"And what for why?" asked Ebenezer.

"Why, Mr. Balfour," replied Alan, "by all that I could hear, there were two ways of it: either ye liked David and would pay to get him back; or else ye had very good reasons for not wanting him, and would pay for us to keep him.

It seems it's not the first; well then, it's the second; and blythe am I to ken it, for it should be a pretty penny in my pocket and the pockets of my friends."

"I dinnae follow ye there," said my uncle.

"No?" said Alan.

"Well, see here: you dinnae want the lad back; well, what do ye want done with him, and how much will ye pay?"

My uncle made no answer, but shifted uneasily on his seat.

"Come, sir," cried Alan.

"I would have you to ken that I am a gentleman; I bear a king's name; I am nae rider to kick my shanks at your hall door.

Either give me an answer in civility, and that out of hand; or by the top of Glencoe, I will ram three feet of iron through your vitals."

"Eh, man," cried my uncle, scrambling to his feet, "give me a meenit!

What's like wrong with ye?

I'm just a plain man and nae dancing master; and I'm tryin to be as ceevil as it's morally possible.

As for that wild talk, it's fair disrepitable. Vitals, says you! And where would I be with my blunderbush?" he snarled.

"Powder and your auld hands are but as the snail to the swallow against the bright steel in the hands of Alan," said the other.

"Before your jottering finger could find the trigger, the hilt would dirl on your breast-bane."

"Eh, man, whae's denying it?" said my uncle.

"Pit it as ye please, hae't your ain way; I'll do naething to cross ye.

Just tell me what like ye'll be wanting, and ye'll see that we'll can agree fine."

"Troth, sir," said Alan, "I ask for nothing but plain dealing.

In two words: do ye want the lad killed or kept?"

"O, sirs!" cried Ebenezer.

"O, sirs, me! that's no kind of language!"

"Killed or kept!" repeated Alan.

"O, keepit, keepit!" wailed my uncle.

"We'll have nae bloodshed, if you please."

"Well," says Alan, "as ye please; that'll be the dearer."

"The dearer?" cries Ebenezer.

"Would ye fyle your hands wi' crime?"

"Hoot!" said Alan, "they're baith crime, whatever!

And the killing's easier, and quicker, and surer.

Keeping the lad'll be a fashious* job, a fashious, kittle business." * Troublesome.

"I'll have him keepit, though," returned my uncle.

"I never had naething to do with onything morally wrong; and I'm no gaun to begin to pleasure a wild Hielandman."

"Ye're unco scrupulous," sneered Alan.

"I'm a man o' principle," said Ebenezer, simply; "and if I have to pay for it, I'll have to pay for it.

And besides," says he, "ye forget the lad's my brother's son."

"Well, well," said Alan, "and now about the price.

It's no very easy for me to set a name upon it; I would first have to ken some small matters.

I would have to ken, for instance, what ye gave Hoseason at the first off-go?"

"Hoseason!" cries my uncle, struck aback.

"What for?"

"For kidnapping David," says Alan.

"It's a lee, it's a black lee!" cried my uncle.

"He was never kidnapped.

He leed in his throat that tauld ye that.

Kidnapped?

He never was!"

"That's no fault of mine nor yet of yours," said Alan; "nor yet of Hoseason's, if he's a man that can be trusted."

"What do ye mean?" cried Ebenezer.