I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind.
My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care.
While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and having a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performance.
You know how things are with us?
As a thing falls, so it lies.
As a thing once has fallen, so it must lie for ever.
Not a bit of it!
I want to get up again.
Holy Father, I am indignant with you.
Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneel down and confess aloud.
Can it be right to confess aloud?
It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in secret: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old.
But how can I explain to him before everyone that I did this and that... well, you understand what- sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it- so it is really a scandal!
No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say.... at the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home."
We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew where to look for the weak spot.
There had been at one time malicious rumours which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the institution of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detriment of the authority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on- absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere.
But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch and was bearing him on the current of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneeling and confessing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders.
But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audience, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense.
And, though he knew perfectly well that with each word he would be adding more and more absurdity, he could not restrain himself, and plunged forward blindly.
"How disgraceful!" cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.
"Pardon me!" said the Father Superior. "It was said of old,
'Many have begun to speak against me and have uttered evil sayings about me.
And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correction of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.'
And so we humbly thank you, honoured guest!" and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.
"Tut- tut- tut- sanctimoniousness and stock phrases!
Old phrases and old gestures.
The old lies and formal prostrations.
We know all about them.
A kiss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's Robbers.
I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth.
But the truth is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclaim aloud!
Father monks, why do you fast?
Why do you expect reward in heaven for that?
Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too!
No, saintly monk, you try being virtuous in the world, do good to society, without shutting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it- you'll find that a bit harder.
I can talk sense, too, Father Superior.
What have they got here?" He went up to the table. "Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers!
That is something beyond gudgeon.
Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he!
And who has provided it all?
The Russian peasant, the labourer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gatherer!
You bleed the people, you know, holy Fathers."
"This is too disgraceful!" said Father Iosif.
Father Paissy kept obstinately silent.
Miusov rushed from the room, and Kalgonov after him.
"Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch!
I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come.
I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he!
No, I'll say no more.
I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humiliation I endured." He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feeling. "This monastery has played a great part in my life!