He felt it almost unthinkable that Katya would consent to come, and at the same time he felt that if she did not come, something inconceivable would happen.
Alyosha understood his feelings.
"Trifon Borissovitch," Mitya began nervously, "has pulled his whole inn to pieces, I am told. He's taken up the flooring, pulled apart the planks, split up all the gallery, I am told. He is seeking treasure all the time- the fifteen hundred roubles which the prosecutor said I'd hidden there.
He began playing these tricks, they say, as soon as he got home.
Serve him right, the swindler!
The guard here told me yesterday; he comes from there."
"Listen," began Alyosha. "She will come, but I don't know when. Perhaps to-day, perhaps in a few days, that I can't tell. But she will come, she will, that's certain."
Mitya started, would have said something, but was silent.
The news had a tremendous effect on him.
It was evident that he would have liked terribly to know what had been said, but he was again afraid to ask. Something cruel and contemptuous from Katya would have cut him like a knife at that moment.
"This was what she said among other things; that I must be sure to set your conscience at rest about escaping.
If Ivan is not well by then she will see to it all herself."
"You've spoken of that already," Mitya observed musingly.
"And you have repeated it to Grusha," observed Alyosha.
"Yes," Mitya admitted. "She won't come this morning." He looked timidly at his brother. "She won't come till the evening.
When I told her yesterday that Katya was taking measures, she was silent, but she set her mouth.
She only whispered,
'Let her!'
She understood that it was important.
I did not dare to try her further.
She understands now, I think, that Katya no longer cares for me, but loves Ivan."
"Does she?" broke from Alyosha.
"Perhaps she does not.
Only she is not coming this morning," Mitya hastened to explain again; "I asked her to do something for me. You know, Ivan is superior to all of us.
He ought to live, not us.
He will recover."
"Would you believe it, though Katya is alarmed about him, she scarcely doubts of his recovery," said Alyosha.
"That means that she is convinced he will die.
It's because she is frightened she's so sure he will get well."
"Ivan has a strong constitution, and I, too, believe there's every hope that he will get well," Alyosha observed anxiously.
"Yes, he will get well.
But she is convinced that he will die.
She has a great deal of sorrow to bear..."
A silence followed.
A grave anxiety was fretting Mitya.
"Alyosha, I love Grusha terribly," he said suddenly in a shaking voice, full of tears.
"They won't let her go out there to you," Alyosha put in at once.
"And there is something else I wanted tell you," Mitya went on, with a sudden ring in his voice. "If they beat me on the way or out there, I won't submit to it. I shall kill someone, and shall be shot for it.
And this will be going on for twenty years!
They speak to me rudely as it is.
I've been lying here all night, passing judgment on myself. I am not ready!
I am not able to resign myself.
I wanted to sing a 'hymn'; but if a guard speaks rudely to me, I have not the strength to bear it.
For Grusha I would bear anything... anything except blows.... But she won't be allowed to come there."
Alyosha smiled gently.
"Listen, brother, once for all," he said. "This is what I think about it.
And you know that I would not tell you a lie.
Listen: you are not ready, and such a cross is not for you.
What's more, you don't need such a martyr's cross when you are not ready for it.
If you had murdered our father, it would grieve me that you should reject your punishment.