I have an old friend, a lawyer in K. province, and I heard through a trustworthy man that if I were to go he'd give me a place as clerk in his office, so, who knows, maybe he would. So I'd just put mamma and Nina in the cart, and Ilusha could drive, and I'd walk, I'd walk.... Why, if I only succeed in getting one debt paid that's owing me, I should have perhaps enough for that too!"
"There would be enough!" cried Alyosha. "Katerina Ivanovna will send you as much more as you need, and you know, I have money too, take what you want, as you would from a brother, from a friend, you can give it back later.... (You'll get rich. you'll get rich!) And you know you couldn't have a better idea than to move to another province!
It would be the saving of you, especially of your boy and you ought to go quickly, before the winter, before the cold. You must write to us when you are there, and we will always be brothers... No, it's not a dream!"
Alyosha could have hugged him, he was so pleased.
But glancing at him he stopped short. The man was standing with his neck outstretched and his lips protruding, with a pale and frenzied face. His lips were moving as though trying to articulate something; no sound came, but still his lips moved. It was uncanny.
"What is it?" asked Alyosha, startled.
"Alexey Fyodorovitch... I... you," muttered the captain, faltering, looking at him with a strange, wild, fixed stare, and an air of desperate resolution. At the same time there was a sort of grin on his lips. "I... you, sir... wouldn't you like me to show you a little trick I know?" he murmured, suddenly, in a firm rapid whisper, his voice no longer faltering.
"What trick?"
"A pretty trick," whispered the captain. His mouth was twisted on the left side, his left eye was screwed up. He still stared at Alyosha.
"What is the matter? What trick?" Alyosha cried, now thoroughly alarmed.
"Why, look," squealed the captain suddenly, and showing him the two notes which he had been holding by one corner between his thumb and forefinger during the conversation, he crumpled them up savagely and squeezed them tight in his right hand.
"Do you see, do you see?" he shrieked, pale and infuriated. And suddenly flinging up his hand, he threw the crumpled notes on the sand. "Do you see?" he shrieked again, pointing to them. "Look there!"
And with wild fury he began trampling them under his heel, gasping and exclaiming as he did so:
"So much for your money!
So much for your money!
So much for your money!
So much for your money!" Suddenly he darted back and drew himself up before Alyosha, and his whole figure expressed unutterable pride.
"Tell those who sent you that the wisp of tow does not sell his honour," he cried, raising his arm in the air.
Then he turned quickly and began to run; but he had not run five steps before he turned completely round and kissed his hand to Alyosha.
He ran another five paces and then turned round for the last time. This time his face was not contorted with laughter, but quivering all over with tears.
In a tearful, faltering, sobbing voice he cried:
"What should I say to my boy if I took money from you for our shame?" And then he ran on without turning.
Alyosha looked after him, inexpressibly grieved.
Oh, he saw that till the very last moment the man had not known he would crumple up and fling away the notes.
He did not turn back. Alyosha knew he would not.
He would not follow him and call him back, he knew why.
When he was out of sight, Alyosha picked up the two notes.
They were very much crushed and crumpled, and had been pressed into the sand, but were uninjured and even rustled like new ones when Alyosha unfolded them and smoothed them out.
After smoothing them out, he folded them up, put them in his pocket and went to Katerina Ivanovna to report on the success of her commission.
Book V.
Pro and Contra
Chapter 1.
The Engagement
MADAME HOHLAKOV was again the first to meet Alyosha.
She was flustered; something important had happened. Katerina Ivanovna's hysterics had ended in a fainting fit, and then "a terrible, awful weakness had followed, she lay with her eyes turned up and was delirious.
Now she was in a fever. They had sent for Herzenstube; they had sent for the aunts.
The aunts were already here, but Herzenstube had not yet come.
They were all sitting in her room, waiting.
She was unconscious now, and what if it turned to brain fever!"
Madame Hohlakov looked gravely alarmed.
"This is serious, serious," she added at every word, as though nothing that had happened to her before had been serious.
Alyosha listened with distress, and was beginning to describe his adventures, but she interrupted him at the first words. She had not time to listen. She begged him to sit with Lise and wait for her there.
"Lise," she whispered almost in his ear, "Lise has greatly surprised me just now, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch. She touched me, too, and so my heart forgives her everything.
Only fancy, as soon as you had gone, she began to be truly remorseful for having laughed at you to-day and yesterday, though she was not laughing at you, but only joking.
But she was seriously sorry for it, almost ready to cry, so that I was quite surprised.
She has never been really sorry for laughing at me, but has only made a joke of it.
And you know she is laughing at me every minute.
But this time she was in earnest She thinks a great deal of your opinion, Alexey Fyodorovitch, and don't take offence or be wounded by her if you can help it.
I am never hard upon her, for she's such a clever little thing. Would you believe it?
She said just now that you were a friend of her childhood, 'the greatest friend of her childhood'- just think of that- 'greatest friend'- and what about me?