I resumed a livelier vein of conversation. “It is time some one undertook to rehumanise you,” said I, parting his thick and long uncut locks; “for I see you are being metamorphosed into a lion, or something of that sort.
You have a ‘faux air’ of Nebuchadnezzar in the fields about you, that is certain: your hair reminds me of eagles’ feathers; whether your nails are grown like birds’ claws or not, I have not yet noticed.”
“On this arm, I have neither hand nor nails,” he said, drawing the mutilated limb from his breast, and showing it to me.
“It is a mere stump—a ghastly sight!
Don’t you think so, Jane?”
“It is a pity to see it; and a pity to see your eyes—and the scar of fire on your forehead: and the worst of it is, one is in danger of loving you too well for all this; and making too much of you.”
“I thought you would be revolted, Jane, when you saw my arm, and my cicatrised visage.”
“Did you?
Don’t tell me so—lest I should say something disparaging to your judgment.
Now, let me leave you an instant, to make a better fire, and have the hearth swept up.
Can you tell when there is a good fire?”
“Yes; with the right eye I see a glow—a ruddy haze.”
“And you see the candles?”
“Very dimly—each is a luminous cloud.”
“Can you see me?”
“No, my fairy: but I am only too thankful to hear and feel you.”
“When do you take supper?”
“I never take supper.”
“But you shall have some to-night.
I am hungry: so are you, I daresay, only you forget.”
Summoning Mary, I soon had the room in more cheerful order: I prepared him, likewise, a comfortable repast.
My spirits were excited, and with pleasure and ease I talked to him during supper, and for a long time after.
There was no harassing restraint, no repressing of glee and vivacity with him; for with him I was at perfect ease, because I knew I suited him; all I said or did seemed either to console or revive him.
Delightful consciousness!
It brought to life and light my whole nature: in his presence I thoroughly lived; and he lived in mine.
Blind as he was, smiles played over his face, joy dawned on his forehead: his lineaments softened and warmed.
After supper, he began to ask me many questions, of where I had been, what I had been doing, how I had found him out; but I gave him only very partial replies: it was too late to enter into particulars that night.
Besides, I wished to touch no deep-thrilling chord—to open no fresh well of emotion in his heart: my sole present aim was to cheer him.
Cheered, as I have said, he was: and yet but by fits.
If a moment’s silence broke the conversation, he would turn restless, touch me, then say,
“Jane.”
“You are altogether a human being, Jane?
You are certain of that?” You are altogether a human being, Jane? You are certain of that?
“I conscientiously believe so, Mr. Rochester.”
“Yet how, on this dark and doleful evening, could you so suddenly rise on my lone hearth?
I stretched my hand to take a glass of water from a hireling, and it was given me by you: I asked a question, expecting John’s wife to answer me, and your voice spoke at my ear.”
“Because I had come in, in Mary’s stead, with the tray.”
“And there is enchantment in the very hour I am now spending with you.
Who can tell what a dark, dreary, hopeless life I have dragged on for months past? Doing nothing, expecting nothing; merging night in day; feeling but the sensation of cold when I let the fire go out, of hunger when I forgot to eat: and then a ceaseless sorrow, and, at times, a very delirium of desire to behold my Jane again.
Yes: for her restoration I longed, far more than for that of my lost sight.
How can it be that Jane is with me, and says she loves me?
Will she not depart as suddenly as she came?
To-morrow, I fear I shall find her no more.”
A commonplace, practical reply, out of the train of his own disturbed ideas, was, I was sure, the best and most reassuring for him in this frame of mind.
I passed my finger over his eyebrows, and remarked that they were scorched, and that I would apply something which would make them grow as broad and black as ever.
“Where is the use of doing me good in any way, beneficent spirit, when, at some fatal moment, you will again desert me—passing like a shadow, whither and how to me unknown, and for me remaining afterwards undiscoverable?
“Have you a pocket-comb about you, sir?”
“What for, Jane?”
“Just to comb out this shaggy black mane.
I find you rather alarming, when I examine you close at hand: you talk of my being a fairy, but I am sure, you are more like a brownie.”