Oscar Wilde Fullscreen How important it is to be serious (1895)

Pause

In spite of what I hear of her, I must see her at once.

Let her be sent for.

Chasuble. [Looking off.] She approaches; she is nigh.

[Enter Miss Prism hurriedly.]

Miss Prism.

I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Canon.

I have been waiting for you there for an hour and three-quarters. [Catches sight of Lady Bracknell, who has fixed her with a stony glare.

Miss Prism grows pale and quails.

She looks anxiously round as if desirous to escape.]

Lady Bracknell. [In a severe, judicial voice.] Prism!

[Miss Prism bows her head in shame.]

Come here, Prism!

[Miss Prism approaches in a humble manner.]

Prism!

Where is that baby?

[General consternation.

The Canon starts back in horror.

Algernon and Jack pretend to be anxious to shield Cecily and Gwendolen from hearing the details of a terrible public scandal.]

Twenty-eight years ago, Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house, Number 104, Upper Grosvenor Street, in charge of a perambulator that contained a baby of the male sex.

You never returned.

A few weeks later, through the elaborate investigations of the Metropolitan police, the perambulator was discovered at midnight, standing by itself in a remote corner of Bayswater.

It contained the manuscript of a three-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality.

[Miss Prism starts in involuntary indignation.]

But the baby was not there!

[Every one looks at Miss Prism.]

Prism! Where is that baby?

[A pause.]

Miss Prism.

Lady Bracknell, I admit with shame that I do not know.

I only wish I did.

The plain facts of the case are these.

On the morning of the day you mention, a day that is for ever branded on my memory, I prepared as usual to take the baby out in its perambulator.

I had also with me a somewhat old, but capacious hand-bag in which I had intended to place the manuscript of a work of fiction that I had written during my few unoccupied hours.

In a moment of mental abstraction, for which I never can forgive myself, I deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the baby in the hand-bag.

Jack. [Who has been listening attentively.] But where did you deposit the hand-bag?

Miss Prism.

Do not ask me, Mr. Worthing.

Jack.

Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small importance to me.

I insist on knowing where you deposited the hand-bag that contained that infant.

Miss Prism.

I left it in the cloak-room of one of the larger railway stations in London.

Jack.

What railway station?

Miss Prism. [Quite crushed.] Victoria.

The Brighton line. [Sinks into a chair.]

Jack.

I must retire to my room for a moment.

Gwendolen, wait here for me.

Gwendolen.