“Lord, have mercy on us,”
“Christ, have mercy on us.”
Ellen closed her eyes and began praying, her voice rising and falling, lulling and soothing.
Heads bowed in the circle of yellow light as Ellen thanked God for the health and happiness of her home, her family and her negroes.
When she had finished her prayers for those beneath the roof of Tara, her father, mother, sisters, three dead babies and “all the poor souls in Purgatory,” she clasped her white beads between long fingers and began the Rosary. Like the rushing of a soft wind, the responses from black throats and white throats rolled back:
“Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death.”
Despite her heartache and the pain of unshed tears, a deep sense of quiet and peace fell upon Scarlett as it always did at this hour.
Some of the disappointment of the day and the dread of the morrow departed from her, leaving a feeling of hope.
It was not the lifting up of her heart to God that brought this balm, for religion went no more than lip deep with her. It was the sight of her mother’s serene face upturned to the throne of God and His saints and angels, praying for blessings on those whom she loved.
When Ellen intervened with Heaven, Scarlett felt certain that Heaven heard.
Ellen finished and Gerald, who could never find his beads at prayer time, began furtively counting his decade on his fingers.
As his voice droned on, Scarlett’s thoughts strayed, in spite of herself. She knew she should be examining her conscience. Ellen had taught her that at the end of each day it was her duty to examine her conscience thoroughly, to admit her numerous faults and pray to God for forgiveness and strength never to repeat them.
But Scarlett was examining her heart.
She dropped her head upon her folded hands so that her mother could not see her face, and her thoughts went sadly back to Ashley.
How could he be planning to marry Melanie when he really loved her, Scarlett?
And when he knew how much she loved him?
How could he deliberately break her heart?
Then, suddenly, an idea, shining and new, flashed like a comet through her brain.
“Why, Ashley hasn’t an idea that I’m in love with him!”
She almost gasped aloud in the shock of its unexpectedness.
Her mind stood still as if paralyzed for a long, breathless instant, and then raced forward.
“How could he know?
I’ve always acted so prissy and ladylike and touch-me-not around him he probably thinks I don’t care a thing about him except as a friend.
Yes, that’s why he’s never spoken!
He thinks his love is hopeless.
And that’s why he’s looked so—”
Her mind went swiftly back to those times when she had caught him looking at her in that strange manner, when the gray eyes that were such perfect curtains for his thoughts had been wide and naked and had in them a look of torment and despair.
“He’s been broken hearted because he thinks I’m in love with Brent or Stuart or Cade.
And probably he thinks that if he can’t have me, he might as well please his family and marry Melanie.
But if he knew I did love him—” Her volatile spirits shot up from deepest depression to excited happiness.
This was the answer to Ashley’s reticence, to his strange conduct.
He didn’t know!
Her vanity leaped to the aid of her desire to believe, making belief a certainty.
If he knew she loved him, he would hasten to her side.
She had only to—
“Oh!” she thought rapturously, digging her fingers into her lowered brow.
“What a fool I’ve been not to think of this till now!
I must think of some way to let him know.
He wouldn’t marry her if he knew I loved him!
How could he?”
With a start, she realized that Gerald had finished and her mother’s eyes were on her.
Hastily she began her decade, telling off the beads automatically but with a depth of emotion in her voice that caused Mammy to open her eyes and shoot a searching glance at her.
As she finished her prayers and Suellen, then Carreen, began their decades, her mind was still speeding onward with her entrancing new thought.
Even now, it wasn’t too late!
Too often the County had been scandalized by elopements when one or the other of the participating parties was practically at the altar with a third.
And Ashley’s engagement had not even been announced yet!
Yes, there was plenty of time!
If no love lay between Ashley and Melanie but only a promise given long ago, then why wasn’t it possible for him to break that promise and marry her?
Surely he would do it, if he knew that she, Scarlett, loved him.
She must find some way to let him know.