The Prosecutor then observed in a nasty tone:
“Very good. That will be all for the present.”
I couldn’t quite follow what came next.
Anyhow, after some palavering among the bench, the Prosecutor, and my counsel, the presiding judge announced that the court would now rise; there was an adjournment till the afternoon, when evidence would be taken.
Almost before I knew what was happening I was rushed out to the prison van, which drove me back, and I was given my midday meal.
After a short time, just enough for me to realize how tired I was feeling, they came for me. I was back in the same room, confronting the same faces, and the whole thing started again.
But the heat had meanwhile much increased, and by some miracle fans had been procured for everyone: the jury, my lawyer, the Prosecutor, and some of the journalists, too.
The young man and the robot woman were still at their places.
But they were not fanning themselves and, as before, they never took their eyes off me.
I wiped the sweat from my face, but I was barely conscious of where or who I was until I heard the warden of the Home called to the witness box.
When asked if my mother had complained about my conduct, he said, “Yes,” but that didn’t mean much; almost all the inmates of the Home had grievances against their relatives.
The Judge asked him to be more explicit; did she reproach me with having sent her to the Home, and he said, “Yes,” again. But this time he didn’t qualify his answer.
To another question he replied that on the day of the funeral he was somewhat surprised by my calmness.
Asked to explain what he meant by “my calmness,” the warden lowered his eyes and stared at his shoes for a moment. Then he explained that I hadn’t wanted to see Mother’s body, or shed a single tear, and that I’d left immediately the funeral ended, without lingering at her grave.
Another thing had surprised him. One of the undertaker’s men told him that I didn’t know my mother’s age.
There was a short silence; then the Judge asked him if he might take it that he was referring to the prisoner in the dock.
The warden seemed puzzled by this, and the Judge explained:
“It’s a formal question. I am bound to put it.”
The Prosecutor was then asked if he had any questions to put, and he answered loudly:
“Certainly not!
I have all I want.”
His tone and the look of triumph on his face, as he glanced at me, were so marked that I felt as I hadn’t felt for ages. I had a foolish desire to burst into tears. For the first time I’d realized how all these people loathed me.
After asking the jury and my lawyer if they had any questions, the Judge heard the doorkeeper’s evidence.
On stepping into the box the man threw a glance at me, then looked away.
Replying to questions, he said that I’d declined to see Mother’s body, I’d smoked cigarettes and slept, and drunk cafe au lait.
It was then I felt a sort of wave of indignation spreading through the courtroom, and for the first time I understood that I was guilty.
They got the doorkeeper to repeat what he had said about the coffee and my smoking.
The Prosecutor turned to me again, with a gloating look in his eyes.
My counsel asked the doorkeeper if he, too, hadn’t smoked.
But the Prosecutor took strong exception to this.
“I’d like to know,” he cried indignantly, “who is on trial in this court. Or does my friend think that by aspersing a witness for the prosecution he will shake the evidence, the abundant and cogent evidence, against his client?”
None the less, the Judge told the doorkeeper to answer the question.
The old fellow fidgeted a bit. Then,
“Well, I know I didn’t ought to have done it,” he mumbled, “but I did take a cigarette from the young gentleman when he offered it—just out of politeness.”
The Judge asked me if I had any comment to make.
“None,” I said, “except that the witness is quite right.
It’s true I offered him a cigarette.”
The doorkeeper looked at me with surprise and a sort of gratitude.
Then, after hemming and hawing for a bit, he volunteered the statement that it was he who’d suggested I should have some coffee.
My lawyer was exultant. “The jury will appreciate,” he said, “the importance of this admission.”
The Prosecutor, however, was promptly on his feet again.
“Quite so,” he boomed above our heads. “The jury will appreciate it.
And they will draw the conclusion that, though a third party might inadvertently offer him a cup of coffee, the prisoner, in common decency, should have refused it, if only out of respect for the dead body of the poor woman who had brought him into the world.”
After which the doorkeeper went back to his seat.
When Thomas Perez was called, a court officer had. to help him to the box.
Perez stated that, though he had been a great friend of my mother, he had met me once only, on the day of the funeral.
Asked how I had behaved that day, he said:
“Well, I was most upset, you know. Far too much upset to notice things.
My grief sort of blinded me, I think.
It had been a great shock, my dear friend’s death; in fact, I fainted during the funeral.