No, I don't think of you as a boy."
"Emotionally retarded then."
"No."
"Then, why?"
"Charlie, don't push me.
I don't know. Already, you've gone beyond my intellectual reach.
In a few months or even weeks, you'll be a different person.
When you mature intellectually, we may not be able to communicate. When you mature emotionally, you may not even want me.
I've got to think of myself too, Charlie.
Let's wait and see.
Be patient."
She was making sense, but I wasn't letting myself listen.
"The other night—" I choked out,
"You don't know how much I looked forward to that date. I was out of my mind wondering how to behave, what to say, wanting to make the best impression, and terrified I might say something to make you angry."
"You didn't make me angry.
I was flattered."
"Then, when can I see you again?"
"I have no right to let you get involved."
"But I am involved!" I shouted, and then seeing people turn to look, I lowered my voice until it trembled with anger.
"I'm a person—a man—and I can't live with just books and tapes and electronic mazes.
You say, see other women.'
How can I when I don't know any other women?
Something inside is burning me up, and all I know is it makes me think of you.
I'm in the middle of a page and I see your face on it—not blurred like those in my past, but clear and alive.
I touch the page and your face is gone and I want to tear the book apart and throw it away."
"Please, Charlie…"
"Let me see you again."
"Tomorrow at the lab."
"You know that's not what I mean.
Away from the lab.
Away from the university.
Alone."
I could tell she wanted to say yes. She was surprised by my insistence.
I was surprised at myself. I only knew that I couldn't stop pressing her.
And yet there was a terror in my throat as I begged her. My palms were damp.
Was I afraid she'd say no, or afraid she'd say yes?
If she hadn't broken the tension by answering me, I think I would have fainted.
"All right, Charlie.
Away from the lab and the university, but not alone.
I don't think we should be alone together."
"Anywhere you say," I gasped.
"Just so I can be with you and not think of tests… statistics… questions… answers …"
She frowned for a moment.
"All right. They have free spring concerts in Central Park.
Next week you can take me to one of the concerts."
"When we got to her doorway, she turned quickly and kissed my cheek.
"Good night, Charlie.
I'm glad you called me.
I'll see you at the lab."
She closed the door and I stood outside the building and looked at the light in her apartment window until it went out.