"What about me?"
"Are you afraid to stay here alone?"
"Yes, I am."
"Then I'll stay with you."
"No, go on with him.
Go with him right away.
I'm sick of seeing both of you."
"We'd better finish dinner."
"No. Go right away."
"Fergy, be reasonable."
"I say get out right away.
Go away both of you."
"Let's go then," I said.
I was sick of Fergy.
"You do want to go.
You see you want to leave me even to eat dinner alone.
I've always wanted to go to the Italian lakes and this is how it is.
Oh, Oh," she sobbed, then looked at Catherine and choked.
"We'll stay till after dinner," Catherine said. "And I'll not leave you alone if you want me to stay.
I won't leave you alone, Fergy."
"No.
No.
I want you to go.
I want you to go." She wiped her eyes. "I'm so unreasonable.
Please don't mind me."
The girl who served the meal had been upset by all the crying.
Now as she brought in the next course she seemed relieved that things were better.
That night at the hotel, in our room with the long empty hall outside and our shoes outside the door, a thick carpet on the floor of the room, outside the windows the rain falling and in the room light and pleasant and cheerful, then the light out and it exciting with smooth sheets and the bed comfortable, feeling that we had come home, feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find the other one there, and not gone away; all other things were unreal.
We slept when we were tired and if we woke the other one woke too so one was not alone.
Often a man wishes to be alone and a girl wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly say we never felt that.
We could feel alone when we were together, alone against the others.
It has only happened to me like that once.
I have been alone while I was with many girls and that is the way that you can be most lonely.
But we were never lonely and never afraid when we were together.
I know that the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started.
But with Catherine there was almost no difference in the night except that it was an even better time.
If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them.
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.
But those that will not break it kills.
It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially.
If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
I remember waking in the morning.
Catherine was asleep and the sunlight was coming in through the window.
The rain had stopped and I stepped out of bed and across the floor to the window.
Down below were the gardens, bare now but beautifully regular, the gravel paths, the trees, the stone wall by the lake and the lake in the sunlight with the mountains beyond.
I stood at the window looking out and when I turned away I saw Catherine was awake and watching me.
"How are you, darling?" she said. "Isn't it a lovely day?"
"How do you feel?"
"I feel very well.
We had a lovely night."