I have seen many of them, and of the most different kinds. They are all alike. For instance, I was once a domestic in the house of a republican deputy.
He spent his time in railing at the priests. A blower, indeed! you should have seen him.
He would not hear a word about religion, or the pope, or the good sisters.
If people had listened to him, they would have overturned all the churches and blown up all the convents.
Well, on Sunday he went to mass, secretly, in far-away parishes. At the slightest ailment he sent for the priests, and all his children were brought up by the Jesuits.
He would never consent to meet his brother after the latter's refusal to marry in church.
All hypocrites, all cowards, all disgusting, each in his own way. _____
Madame de Tarves was also in the charity line: she too presided over religious committees and benevolent societies, and organized charity sales.
That is to say, she was never at home, and things in the house went on as they could.
Very often Madame returned late, coming from the devil knows where. Oh! I know these returns; they directly acquainted me with the sort of works in which Madame was engaged, and with the queer capers that were cut in her committees. But she was nice with me. Never an abrupt word, never a reproach.
On the contrary, she treated me familiarly, almost like a comrade; and so far did she carry this that sometimes, she forgetting her dignity and I my respect, we talked nonsense together and said risques things. She gave me advice as to the arrangement of my little affairs, encouraged my coquettish tastes, deluged me with glycerine and peau d'Espagne, covered my arms with cold cream, and sprinkled me with powder.
And during these operations she was continually saying:
"You see, Mary, a woman must be well groomed. Her skin must be white and soft. You have a pretty face; you must learn how to set it off. You have a very fine bust; you must give it its full value. Your legs are superb; you must be able to show them. It is more suitable."
I was content. Yet within I still was not free from anxiety and obscure suspicions.
I could not forget the surprising stories that they told me in the servants' hall. There, when I praised Madame and enumerated her kindnesses toward me, the cook said:
"Yes, yes, that's all right; but wait and see what follows. What she wants of you is to be intimate with her son, that he may be kept in the house more, and thus may cost these curmudgeons less money. She has already tried that with others. She has even induced friends of hers to come here,—married women,—young girls,—yes, young girls, the trollop!
But M. Xavier does not fall in with this. He prefers to roam elsewhere.
You will see; you will see."
And she added, with a sort of hateful regret:
"If I were in your place, how I would blackmail them!
I would not hesitate, be sure."
These words made me slightly ashamed of my comrades in the servants' hall.
But, to reassure myself, I preferred to believe that the cook was jealous of Madame's evident preference for me. _____
I went every morning at nine o'clock to open M. Xavier's curtains and carry him his tea.
It is queer; I always entered his room with my heart beating and a strong feeling of apprehension.
It was a long time before he paid any attention to me.
I turned this way and that, prepared his things for him, arranged his garments, trying to look pretty and show myself off to advantage.
He spoke to me only to complain, in the growling voice of one who is half awake, of being disturbed too early.
I was put out by this indifference, and I redoubled the silent tricks of coquetry which I had carefully planned.
I was expecting every day something that did not happen; and this silence on the part of M. Xavier, this disdain for my person, irritated me to the last degree.
What should I have done, if that which I expected had happened?
I did not ask myself.
I simply wanted it to happen. M. Xavier was really a very pretty boy, even prettier than his photograph.
A light blonde moustache—two little arcs of gold—set off his lips better than in his portrait, their red and fleshy pulp inviting a kiss.
His light blue eyes, dusted with yellow, were strangely fascinating, and his movements were characterized by the indolence, the weary and cruel grace, of a girl or young deer.
He was tall, slender, very supple, ultra-modern in his elegance, and wonderfully seductive through his evident cynicism and corruption.
In addition to the fact that he had pleased me from the first, his resistance, or, rather, his indifference, caused my desire to quickly ripen into love.
One morning I found M. Xavier awake, and sitting on the edge of the bed.
I remember that he wore a white silk shirt with blue dots.
I modestly started to withdraw, but he called me back:
"Oh! what is the matter?
Come in.
You are not afraid of me, are you?"
With his two hands clasped over his leg, and his body swaying to and fro, he surveyed me for a long time with the utmost effrontery, while I, with slow and graceful movements, and blushing a little, placed a tray on the little table near the mantel.
And, as if he then really saw me for the first time, he said:
"Why, you are a very stylish girl.
How long, then, have you been here?"
"Three weeks, Monsieur."
"Well, that's astonishing!"
"What is astonishing, Monsieur?"