Do you understand that you ought to forgive me that blow in the face if only because I gave you the opportunity of realising your immense power. ... Again you smile your disdainful, worldly smile!
Oh, when will you understand me!
Have done with being a snob!
Understand that I insist on that. I insist on it, else I won't speak, I'm not going to for anything!"
His excitement was approaching frenzy. Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch frowned and seemed to become more on his guard.
"Since I have remained another half-hour with you when time is so precious," he pronounced earnestly and impressively, "you may rest assured that I mean to listen to you at least with interest... and I am convinced that I shall hear from you much that is new."
He sat down on a chair.
"Sit down!" cried Shatov, and he sat down himself.
"Please remember," Stavrogin interposed once more, "that I was about to ask a real favour of you concerning Marya Timofyevna, of great importance for her, anyway...."
"What?" Shatov frowned suddenly with the air of a man who has just been interrupted at the most important moment, and who gazes at you unable to grasp the question.
"And you did not let me finish," Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch went on with a smile.
"Oh, nonsense, afterwards!" Shatov waved his hand disdainfully, grasping, at last, what he wanted, and passed at once to his principal theme.
VII
"Do you know," he began, with flashing eyes, almost menacingly, bending right forward in his chair, raising the forefinger of his right hand above him (obviously unaware that he was doing so), "do you know who are the only 'god-bearing' people on earth, destined to regenerate and save the world in the name of a new God, and to whom are given the keys of life and of the new world... Do you know which is that people and what is its name?"
"From your manner I am forced to conclude, and I think I may as well do so at once, that it is the Russian people."
"And you can laugh, oh, what a race!" Shatov burst out.
"Calm yourself, I beg of you; on the contrary, I was expecting something of the sort from you."
"You expected something of the sort?
And don't you know those words yourself?"
"I know them very well. I see only too well what you're driving at.
All your phrases, even the expression 'god-bearing people' is only a sequel to our talk two years ago, abroad, not long before you went to America. ... At least, as far as I can recall it now."
"It's your phrase altogether, not mine.
Your own, not simply the sequel of our conversation.
'Our' conversation it was not at all. It was a teacher uttering weighty words, and a pupil who was raised from the dead.
I was that pupil and you were the teacher."
"But, if you remember, it was just after my words you joined their society, and only afterwards went away to America."
"Yes, and I wrote to you from America about that. I wrote to you about everything.
Yes, I could not at once tear my bleeding heart from what I had grown into from childhood, on which had been lavished all the raptures of my hopes and all the tears of my hatred.... It is difficult to change gods.
I did not believe you then, because I did not want to believe, I plunged for the last time into that sewer.... But the seed remained and grew up.
Seriously, tell me seriously, didn't you read all my letter from America, perhaps you didn't read it at all?"
"I read three pages of it. The two first and the last. And I glanced through the middle as well.
But I was always meaning..."
"Ah, never mind, drop it! Damn it!" cried Shatov, waving his hand.
"If you've renounced those words about the people now, how could you have uttered them then?...
That's what crushes me now."
"I wasn't joking with you then; in persuading you I was perhaps more concerned with myself than with you," Stavrogin pronounced enigmatically.
"You weren't joking!
In America I was lying for three months on straw beside a hapless creature, and I learnt from him that at the very time when you were sowing the seed of God and the Fatherland in my heart, at that very time, perhaps during those very days, you were infecting the heart of that hapless creature, that maniac Kirillov, with poison... you confirmed false malignant ideas in him, and brought him to the verge of insanity.... Go, look at him now, he is your creation... you've seen him though."
"In the first place, I must observe that Kirillov himself told me that he is happy and that he's good.
Your supposition that all this was going on at the same time is almost correct. But what of it?
I repeat, I was not deceiving either of you."
"Are you an atheist?
An atheist now?"
"Yes."
"And then?"
"Just as I was then."
"I wasn't asking you to treat me with respect when I began the conversation. With your intellect you might have understood that," Shatov muttered indignantly.
"I didn't get up at your first word, I didn't close the conversation, I didn't go away from you, but have been sitting here ever since submissively answering your questions and... cries, so it seems I have not been lacking in respect to you yet."
Shatov interrupted, waving his hand.
"Do you remember your expression that 'an atheist can't be a Russian,' that 'an atheist at once ceases to be a Russian'? Do you remember saying that?"