"I've only just waked up, and wanted to go to you, but was delayed owing to my clothes; I forgot yesterday to ask her...
Nastasya... to wash out the blood...
I've only just dressed."
"Blood! What blood?" Pulcheria Alexandrovna asked in alarm.
"Oh, nothing--don't be uneasy.
It was when I was wandering about yesterday, rather delirious, I chanced upon a man who had been run over... a clerk..."
"Delirious?
But you remember everything!" Razumihin interrupted.
"That's true," Raskolnikov answered with special carefulness. "I remember everything even to the slightest detail, and yet--why I did that and went there and said that, I can't clearly explain now."
"A familiar phenomenon," interposed Zossimov, "actions are sometimes performed in a masterly and most cunning way, while the direction of the actions is deranged and dependent on various morbid impressions--it's like a dream."
"Perhaps it's a good thing really that he should think me almost a madman," thought Raskolnikov.
"Why, people in perfect health act in the same way too," observed Dounia, looking uneasily at Zossimov.
"There is some truth in your observation," the latter replied. "In that sense we are certainly all not infrequently like madmen, but with the slight difference that the deranged are somewhat madder, for we must draw a line.
A normal man, it is true, hardly exists. Among dozens--perhaps hundreds of thousands--hardly one is to be met with."
At the word "madman," carelessly dropped by Zossimov in his chatter on his favourite subject, everyone frowned.
Raskolnikov sat seeming not to pay attention, plunged in thought with a strange smile on his pale lips.
He was still meditating on something.
"Well, what about the man who was run over?
I interrupted you!" Razumihin cried hastily.
"What?" Raskolnikov seemed to wake up. "Oh... I got spattered with blood helping to carry him to his lodging.
By the way, mamma, I did an unpardonable thing yesterday.
I was literally out of my mind. I gave away all the money you sent me... to his wife for the funeral.
She's a widow now, in consumption, a poor creature... three little children, starving... nothing in the house... there's a daughter, too... perhaps you'd have given it yourself if you'd seen them.
But I had no right to do it I admit, especially as I knew how you needed the money yourself.
To help others one must have the right to do it, or else _Crevez, chiens, si vous n'etes pas contents_."
He laughed,
"That's right, isn't it, Dounia?"
"No, it's not," answered Dounia firmly.
"Bah! you, too, have ideals," he muttered, looking at her almost with hatred, and smiling sarcastically.
"I ought to have considered that....
Well, that's praiseworthy, and it's better for you... and if you reach a line you won't overstep, you will be unhappy... and if you overstep it, maybe you will be still unhappier....
But all that's nonsense," he added irritably, vexed at being carried away.
"I only meant to say that I beg your forgiveness, mother," he concluded, shortly and abruptly.
"That's enough, Rodya, I am sure that everything you do is very good," said his mother, delighted.
"Don't be too sure," he answered, twisting his mouth into a smile.
A silence followed.
There was a certain constraint in all this conversation, and in the silence, and in the reconciliation, and in the forgiveness, and all were feeling it.
"It is as though they were afraid of me," Raskolnikov was thinking to himself, looking askance at his mother and sister.
Pulcheria Alexandrovna was indeed growing more timid the longer she kept silent.
"Yet in their absence I seemed to love them so much," flashed through his mind.
"Do you know, Rodya, Marfa Petrovna is dead," Pulcheria Alexandrovna suddenly blurted out.
"What Marfa Petrovna?"
"Oh, mercy on us--Marfa Petrovna Svidrigailov.
I wrote you so much about her."
"A-a-h! Yes, I remember....
So she's dead!
Oh, really?" he roused himself suddenly, as if waking up.
"What did she die of?"
"Only imagine, quite suddenly," Pulcheria Alexandrovna answered hurriedly, encouraged by his curiosity. "On the very day I was sending you that letter!
Would you believe it, that awful man seems to have been the cause of her death.