An air of haste and excitement pervades the party, and as the tall hat (surmounting Mr. Smallweed the younger) alights, Mr. Smallweed the elder pokes his head out of window and bawls to Mr. Guppy,
"How de do, sir!
How de do!"
"What do Chick and his family want here at this time of the morning, I wonder!" says Mr. Guppy, nodding to his familiar.
"My dear sir," cries Grandfather Smallweed, "would you do me a favour?
Would you and your friend be so very obleeging as to carry me into the public-house in the court, while Bart and his sister bring their grandmother along?
Would you do an old man that good turn, sir?"
Mr. Guppy looks at his friend, repeating inquiringly,
"The public- house in the court?"
And they prepare to bear the venerable burden to the Sol's Arms.
"There's your fare!" says the patriarch to the coachman with a fierce grin and shaking his incapable fist at him.
"Ask me for a penny more, and I'll have my lawful revenge upon you.
My dear young men, be easy with me, if you please.
Allow me to catch you round the neck.
I won't squeeze you tighter than I can help.
Oh, Lord!
Oh, dear me!
Oh, my bones!"
It is well that the Sol is not far off, for Mr. Weevle presents an apoplectic appearance before half the distance is accomplished.
With no worse aggravation of his symptoms, however, than the utterance of divers croaking sounds expressive of obstructed respiration, he fulils his share of the porterage and the benevolent old gentleman is deposited by his own desire in the parlour of the Sol's Arms.
"Oh, Lord!" gasps Mr. Smallweed, looking about him, breathless, from an arm-chair.
"Oh, dear me!
Oh, my bones and back!
Oh, my aches and pains!
Sit down, you dancing, prancing, shambling, scrambling poll-parrot!
Sit down!"
This little apostrophe to Mrs. Smallweed is occasioned by a propensity on the part of that unlucky old lady whenever she finds herself on her feet to amble about and "set" to inanimate objects, accompanying herself with a chattering noise, as in a witch dance.
A nervous affection has probably as much to do with these demonstrations as any imbecile intention in the poor old woman, but on the present occasion they are so particularly lively in connexion with the Windsor arm-chair, fellow to that in which Mr. Smallweed is seated, that she only quite desists when her grandchildren have held her down in it, her lord in the meanwhile bestowing upon her, with great volubility, the endearing epithet of "a pig-headed jackdaw," repeated a surprising number of times.
"My dear sir," Grandfather Smallweed then proceeds, addressing Mr. Guppy, "there has been a calamity here.
Have you heard of it, either of you?"
"Heard of it, sir!
Why, we discovered it."
"You discovered it.
You two discovered it!
Bart, THEY discovered it!"
The two discoverers stare at the Smallweeds, who return the compliment.
"My dear friends," whines Grandfather Smallweed, putting out both his hands, "I owe you a thousand thanks for discharging the melancholy office of discovering the ashes of Mrs. Smallweed's brother."
"Eh?" says Mr. Guppy.
"Mrs. Smallweed's brother, my dear friend--her only relation.
We were not on terms, which is to be deplored now, but he never WOULD be on terms.
He was not fond of us.
He was eccentric--he was very eccentric.
Unless he has left a will (which is not at all likely) I shall take out letters of administration.
I have come down to look after the property; it must be sealed up, it must be protected.
I have come down," repeats Grandfather Smallweed, hooking the air towards him with all his ten fingers at once, "to look after the property."
"I think, Small," says the disconsolate Mr. Guppy, "you might have mentioned that the old man was your uncle."
"You two were so close about him that I thought you would like me to be the same," returns that old bird with a secretly glistening eye.
"Besides, I wasn't proud of him."
"Besides which, it was nothing to you, you know, whether he was or not," says Judy.
Also with a secretly glistening eye.