Who would they put to share with me?
It’s stupid; I hate sleeping with other people!
The manageress left us to ourselves, at last.
We burst out chattering and asking questions; we opened our suitcases.
Marie had lost the key of hers and was bewailing the fact: I sat down, tired already.
Mademoiselle said ruminatively:
‘Let’s see, I must get you fixed up …’ She stopped, trying to find the best way of installing us in pairs.
Little Luce slid silently up to me and squeezed my hand: she hoped they would thrust us both into the same bed.
The Headmistress made up her mind.
‘The two Jauberts, you’ll sleep together. You, Claudine, with …’ (She looked at me in a pointed way but I neither flinched nor fluttered an eyelash) ‘… with Marie Belhomme, and Anais with Luce Lanthenay.
I think that will work out quite well.’
Little Luce was not at all of this opinion!
She picked up her luggage with a crestfallen look and went off sadly with the gawky Anais to the room opposite mine.
Marie and I settled ourselves in; I tore off most of my clothes so as to wash off the dust of the train and we wandered about ecstatically in our chemises behind the shutters that were closed because of the sun.
A chemise, that was the only rational, practical dress!
There was singing in the courtyard. I looked out and saw the fat proprietress sitting in the shade with the hotel servants and some young men and girls; they were all bawling sentimental songs:
‘Manon, behold the sun!’ as they made paper roses and garlands of ivy to decorate the front of the building, tomorrow.
The courtyard was strewn with pine-branches; the painted iron table was loaded with bottles of beer and glasses; the earthly paradise, in fact!
Someone knocked: it was Mademoiselle Sergent.
I let her come in, she didn’t embarrass me.
I received her in my chemise while Marie hurriedly pulled on a petticoat, out of respect.
However, she didn’t look as if she had noticed it, and merely told us to hurry up: luncheon was ready.
We all went downstairs.
Luce complained about their room; it was lit from above, they hadn’t even the resource of looking out of the window!
The hotel’s set luncheon was bad.
As the written exam took place next day, Mademoiselle Sergent enjoined us to go up to our rooms and make one last final revision of what we felt weakest on.
What point in being here just for that?
I’d much rather have gone to see Papa’s charming friends, the Xs, who were excellent musicians … She added:
‘If you’re good, tonight you shall come down with me after dinner and we’ll make roses with Madame Cherbay and her daughters.’
There were murmurs of joy: all my companions exulted.
But not me!
I felt no intoxication at the prospect of making paper roses in a hotel courtyard with that fat manageress who looked as if she were made of lard.
Probably I let this be seen, for the Redhead went on, suddenly irritated:
‘I’m not forcing anyone, naturally; if Mademoiselle Claudine thinks she ought not to join us …’
‘Honestly, I would rather stay in my room, Mademoiselle. I’m afraid I’d be so totally useless!’
‘Stay there, then, we’ll do without you.
But, in that case, I fear I shall be forced to take the key of your room with me. I am responsible for you.’
This detail had not occurred to me and I did not know what to reply.
We went upstairs again and we yawned all the afternoon over our books, our nerves frayed with the suspense of waiting for tomorrow.
It would have been much better for us to go out for a walk, for we didn’t do any good, none at all …
And to think that tonight I was going to be locked in! Locked in!
Anything that’s in the least like imprisonment makes me rabid: I lose my head as soon as I’m shut up. (When I was a child, they could never send me to boarding-school because I used to fall into swoons of rage at realizing that I was forbidden to go out of the door.
They tried twice when I was nine.
Both times, on the very first night, I dashed to the windows like a stunned bird; I screamed, bit and scratched, then fell down unconscious.
They had to set me at liberty again and I could only ‘stick it’ at this fantastic school in Montigny because there, at least, I didn’t feel ‘trapped’ and I slept in my own bed at home.)
Certainly, I wasn’t going to let the others see it, but I was sick with nervous tension and humiliation.
I wasn’t going to beg to be let off; she’d be far too pleased, that beastly Redhead!
If she’d only leave me the key on the inside!
But I wasn’t going to ask her for anything at all, I didn’t want to!
I only prayed the night would be short …