Well, last Saturday, I couldn’t help noticing She was being much nicer to me than usual. I thought she was getting used to me and would leave the two of us in peace so I was awfully happy and relaxed.
And then, towards the end of the evening, when we were correcting exercise-books at the same table, I suddenly looked up and saw she was crying. And she was looking at me in such a peculiar way that I was absolutely dumfounded.
Then, all at once, she got up from her chair and went off to bed.
The next day, after being awfully nice to me all day, when I was alone with her in the evening and was just going to say good night, she suddenly asked me:
“You’re very fond of Claudine, aren’t you?
And, no doubt, she returns your fondness?”
And, before I had time to answer, she fell into a chair beside me and sobbed.
And then she took my hands and said all sorts of things that simply took my breath away …’
‘What things?’
‘Well … she said to me:
“My dear little thing, don’t you realize you’re breaking my heart with your indifference?
Oh, my darling girl, how could you possibly not have noticed my great affection for you?
My little Aimee, I’m jealous of the tenderness you show to that brainless Claudine who’s quite definitely a little unhinged … If you’d only just not hate me, oh! if you’d only love me a little, I’d be a more tender friend than you could ever imagine …” And she looked into the very depths of my soul with eyes like red-hot pokers.’
‘Didn’t you answer her at all?’
‘Of course not!
I hadn’t time to!
Another thing she said was:
“Do you think they’re very useful to her or very kind to me, those English lessons you give her? It tears my heart every time I see the two of you go off together!
Don’t go there – don’t ever go there again!
Claudine won’t give it another thought in a week’s time and I can give you more affection than she’s capable of feeling!”
Claudine, I assure you, I no longer had any idea what I was doing. She was mesmerizing me with those crazy eyes of hers and, suddenly, the room began to go round, and my head swam; and for two or three seconds, not more, I couldn’t see anything at all. I could only hear her saying over and over again, and sounding terrified,
“My God! … My poor little girl!
I’ve frightened her … she’s so pale, my little Aimee, my darling!”
And, immediately after that, she helped me to undress, in the most kind, affectionate way, and I slept as if I’d spent the entire day walking … Claudine, my poor pet, you realize there was simply nothing I could do about it!’
I was stunned. So she had passionate friendships, that volcanic Redhead!
At heart, I was not tremendously surprised; it was bound to end that way.
Meanwhile, I sat there, utterly overwhelmed; faced with Aimee, this frail little creature bewitched by that fury, I did not know what to say.
She dried her eyes.
It seemed to me that her distress was over with her tears.
‘But you … don’t love her at all?’
She answered, without looking at me:
‘No, of course not. But, really, she does seem to be awfully fond of me and I never suspected it.’
Her answer froze me completely. After all, I’m not completely out of my mind yet and I understand what people are trying to say to me.
I let go her hands which I was holding and I stood up.
Something had been broken.
Since she was unwilling to admit frankly that she was no longer with me against the other, since she was hiding her deepest thoughts, I thought all was over.
My hands were ice-cold and my cheeks were burning.
After a painful silence, I was the first to speak:
‘Dear Aimee of the lovely eyes, I implore you to come just once more to finish up the month.
Do you think she will agree?’
‘Oh, yes! I’ll ask her.’
She said it promptly and spontaneously, already sure of getting anything she wanted out of Mademoiselle Sergent now.
How fast she was receding from me and how fast the other had triumphed!
Cowardly little Lanthenay!
She loved comfort like a warmth-starved cat and knew very well that her chief’s friendship would be more profitable to her than mine!
But I did not mean to tell her so or she would not come back for the last lesson and I still cherished a vague hope … The hour was over and I escorted Aimee to the door.
In the passage, I embraced her fiercely, with a touch of despair.
Once I was alone, I was surprised not to find myself feeling quite as sad as I believed myself to be.
I had expected a tremendous, absurd explosion but, no, what I felt was more like a chill that froze me …
At supper, I broke in upon Papa’s musings.