Agatha Christie Fullscreen Cards on the table (1936)

Pause

"My dear, how nice to see you," said Mrs. Oliver, holding out a carbon-stained hand and trying with her other hand to smooth her hair, a quite impossible proceeding.

A paper bag, touched by her elbow, fell from the desk and apples rolled energetically all over the floor.

"Never mind, my dear, don't bother, someone will pick them up sometime."

Rather breathless, Rhoda rose from a stooping position with five apples in her grasp.

"Oh, thank you - no, I shouldn't put them back in the bag. I think it's got a hole in it.

Put them on the mantelpiece.

That's right.

Now then, sit down and let's talk."

Rhoda accepted a second battered chair and focused her eyes on her hostess.

"I say, I'm terribly sorry.

Am I interrupting or anything?" she asked breathlessly.

"Well, you are and you aren't," said Mrs. Oliver. "I am working. As you see.

But that dreadful Finn of mine has got himself terribly tangled up.

He did some awfully clever deduction with a dish of French beans, and now he's just detected deadly poison in the sage and onion stuffing of the Michaelmas goose and I've just remembered that French beans are over by Michaelmas."

Thrilled by this peep into the inner world of creative detective fiction Rhoda said breathlessly,

"They might be tinned."

"They might, of course," said Mrs. Oliver, doubtfully. "But it would rather spoil the point.

I'm always getting tangled up in horticulture and things like that.

People write to me and say I've got the wrong flowers all out together. As though it mattered - and anyway they are all out together in a London shop."

"Of course it doesn't matter." said Rhoda loyally. "Oh, Mrs. Oliver, it must be marvelous to write."

Mrs. Oliver rubbed her forehead with a carbony finger and asked,

"Why?"

"Oh," said Rhoda, a little taken aback. "Because it must. It must be wonderful just to sit down and write off a whole book."

"It doesn't happen exactly like that," said Mrs. Oliver. "One actually has to think, you know.

And thinking is always a bore.

And you have to plan things.

And then one gets stuck every now and then and you feel you'll never get out of the mess - but you do!

Writing's not particularly enjoyable.

It's hard work like everything else."

"It doesn't seem like work," said Rhoda.

"Not to you," said Mrs. Oliver, "because you don't have to do it!

It feels very like work to me.

Some days I can only keep going by repeating over and over to myself the amount of money I might get for my next serial rights.

That spurs you on, you know.

So does your bankbook when you see how much overdrawn you are."

"I never imagined you actually typed your books yourself," said Rhoda. "I thought you'd have a secretary."

"I did have a secretary and I used to try and dictate to her but she was so competent that it used to depress me.

I felt she knew so much more about English and grammar and full stops and semicolons than I did, that it gave me a kind of inferiority complex.

Then I tried having a thoroughly incompetent secretary but, of course, that didn't answer very well either."

"It must be so wonderful to be able to think of things," said Rhoda.

"I can always think of things," said Mrs. Oliver, happily. "What is so tiring is writing them down.

I always think I've finished and then when I count up I find I've only written thirty thousand words instead of sixty thousand and so then I have to throw in another murder and get the heroine kidnaped again.

It's all very boring."

Rhoda did not answer.

She was staring at Mrs. Oliver with the reverence felt by youth for celebrity - slightly tinged by disappointment.

"Do you like the wallpaper?" asked Mrs. Oliver, waving an airy hand. "I'm frightfully fond of birds.

The foliage is supposed to be tropical.

It makes me feel it's a hot day even when it's freezing.

I can't do anything unless I feel very, very warm.

But Sven Hjerson breaks the ice on his bath every morning!"