Mrs. Babbitt, awakened, irritably observed that she certainly did not know the name of Ted’s host, that it was late, that Howard Littlefield was but little better than a born fool, and that she was sleepy.
But she remained awake and worrying while Babbitt, on the sleeping-porch, struggled back into sleep through the incessant soft rain of her remarks.
It was after dawn when he was aroused by her shaking him and calling “George! George!” in something like horror.
“Wha—wha—what is it?”
“Come here quick and see.
Be quiet!”
She led him down the hall to the door of Ted’s room and pushed it gently open.
On the worn brown rug he saw a froth of rose-colored chiffon lingerie; on the sedate Morris chair a girl’s silver slipper.
And on the pillows were two sleepy heads—Ted’s and Eunice’s.
Ted woke to grin, and to mutter with unconvincing defiance,
“Good morning!
Let me introduce my wife—Mrs. Theodore Roosevelt Eunice Littlefield Babbitt, Esquiress.”
“Good God!” from Babbitt, and from his wife a long wailing,
“You’ve gone and—”
“We got married last evening.
Wife!
Sit up and say a pretty good morning to mother-in-law.”
But Eunice hid her shoulders and her charming wild hair under the pillow.
By nine o’clock the assembly which was gathered about Ted and Eunice in the living-room included Mr. and Mrs. George Babbitt, Dr. and Mrs. Howard Littlefield, Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Escott, Mr. and Mrs. Henry T. Thompson, and Tinka Babbitt, who was the only pleased member of the inquisition.
A crackling shower of phrases filled the room:
“At their age—”
“Ought to be annulled—”
“Never heard of such a thing in—”
“Fault of both of them and—”
“Keep it out of the papers—”
“Ought to be packed off to school—”
“Do something about it at once, and what I say is—”
“Damn good old-fashioned spanking—”
Worst of them all was Verona. “TED!
Some way MUST be found to make you understand how dreadfully SERIOUS this is, instead of standing AROUND with that silly foolish SMILE on your face!”
He began to revolt.
“Gee whittakers, Rone, you got married yourself, didn’t you?”
“That’s entirely different.”
“You bet it is!
They didn’t have to work on Eu and me with a chain and tackle to get us to hold hands!”
“Now, young man, we’ll have no more flippancy,” old Henry Thompson ordered.
“You listen to me.”
“You listen to Grandfather!” said Verona.
“Yes, listen to your Grandfather!” said Mrs. Babbitt.
“Ted, you listen to Mr. Thompson!” said Howard Littlefield.
“Oh, for the love o’ Mike, I am listening!” Ted shouted.
“But you look here, all of you!
I’m getting sick and tired of being the corpse in this post mortem!
If you want to kill somebody, go kill the preacher that married us!
Why, he stung me five dollars, and all the money I had in the world was six dollars and two bits.
I’m getting just about enough of being hollered at!”
A new voice, booming, authoritative, dominated the room.
It was Babbitt.
“Yuh, there’s too darn many putting in their oar!
Rone, you dry up.