"Don't blame yourself — you were not so far in the wrong as you suppose.
Bathsheba, suppose you had real complete proof that you are what, in fact, you are — a widow — would you repair the old wrong to me by marrying me?"
"I cannot say.
I shouldn't yet, at any rate."
"But you might at some future time of your life?"
"O yes, I might at some time."
"Well, then, do you know that without further proof of any kind you may marry again in about six years from the present — subject to nobody's objection or blame?"
"O yes." she said, quickly. "I know all that.
But don't talk of it — seven or six years — where may we all be by that time?"
"They will soon glide by, and it will seem an astonishingly short time to look back upon when they are past — much less than to look forward to now."
"Yes, yes; I have found that in my own experience."
"Now listen once more." Boldwood pleaded.
"If I wait that time, will you marry me?
You own that you owe me amends — let that be your way of making them."
"But, Mr. Boldwood — six years — "
"Do you want to be the wife of any other man?"
"No indeed!
I mean, that I don't like to talk about this matter now.
Perhaps it is not proper, and I ought not to allow it.
Let us drop it. My husband may be living, as I said."
"Of course, I'll drop the subject if you wish.
But propriety has nothing to do with reasons.
I am a middle-aged man, willing to protect you for the remainder of our lives.
On your side, at least, there is no passion or blamable haste — on mine, perhaps, there is.
But I can't help seeing that if you choose from a feeling of pity, and, as you say, a wish to make amends, to make a bargain with me for a far-ahead time — an agreement which will set all things right and make me happy, late though it may be — there is no fault to be found with you as a woman.
Hadn't I the first place beside you?
Haven't you been almost mine once already?
Surely you can say to me as much as this, you will have me back again should circumstances permit?
Now, pray speak!
O Bathsheba, promise — it is only a little promise — that if you marry again, you will marry me!"
His tone was so excited that she almost feared him at this moment, even whilst she sympathized.
It was a simple physical fear — the weak of the strong; there no emotional aversion or inner repugnance.
She said, with some distress in her voice, for she remembered vividly his outburst on the Yalbury Road, and shrank from a repetition of his anger: —
"I will never marry another man whilst you wish me to be your wife, whatever comes — but to say more — you have taken me so by surprise — "
"But let it stand in these simple words — that in six years' time you will be my wife?
Unexpected accidents we'll not mention, because those, of course, must be given way to.
Now, this time I know you will keep your word."
"That's why I hesitate to give it."
"But do give it!
Remember the past, and be kind."
She breathed; and then said mournfully: "O what shall I do?
I don't love you, and I much fear that I never shall love you as much as a woman ought to love a husband.
If you, sir, know that, and I can yet give you happiness by a mere promise to marry at the end of six years, if my husband should not come back, it is a great honour to me.
And if you value such an act of friendship from a woman who doesn't esteem herself as she did, and has little love left, why it will — "
"Promise!" " — Consider, if I cannot promise soon."
"But soon is perhaps never?"
"O no, it is not!
I mean soon.
Christmas, we'll say."
"Christmas!"