'I hate the sight of you.'
'Marry me, then,' says John W., lighting a Henry Clay.
'What!' she cries indignantly, 'marry you!
Never,' she says, 'until this blows over, and I can do some shopping, and you see about the licence.
There's a telephone next door if you want to call up the county clerk.'"
The narrator paused to give vent to his cynical chuckle.
"Did they marry?" he continued.
"Did the duck swallow the June-bug?
And then I take up the case of Old Boy Redruth.
There's where you are all wrong again, according to my theory.
What turned him into a hermit?
One says laziness; one says remorse; one says booze.
I say women did it.
How old is the old man now?" asked the speaker, turning to Bildad Rose.
"I should say about sixty-five."
"All right.
He conducted his hermit shop here for twenty years.
Say he was twenty-five when he took off his hat at the gate.
That leaves twenty years for him to account for, or else be docked.
Where did he spend that ten and two fives?
I'll give you my idea.
Up for bigamy.
Say there was the fat blonde in Saint Jo, and the panatela brunette at Skillet Ridge, and the gold tooth down in the Kaw valley.
Redruth gets his cases mixed, and they send him up the road.
He gets out after they are through with him, and says:
'Any line for me except the crinoline.
The hermit trade is not overdone, and the stenographers never apply to 'em for work.
The jolly hermit's life for me.
No more long hairs in the comb or dill pickles lying around in the cigar tray.'
You tell me they pinched old Redruth for the noodle villa just because he said he was King Solomon?
Figs!
He was Solomon.
That's all of mine.
I guess it don't call for any apples.
Enclosed find stamps.
It don't sound much like a prize winner."
Respecting the stricture laid by Judge Menefee against comments upon the stories, all were silent when the passenger who was nobody in particular had concluded.
And then the ingenious originator of the contest cleared his throat to begin the ultimate entry for the prize.
Though seated with small comfort upon the floor, you might search in vain for any abatement of dignity in Judge Menefee.
The now diminishing firelight played softly upon his face, as clearly chiselled as a Roman emperor's on some old coin, and upon the thick waves of his honourable grey hair.
"A woman's heart!" he began, in even but thrilling tones—"who can hope to fathom it?
The ways and desires of men are various.
I think that the hearts of all women beat with the same rhythm, and to the same old tune of love.
Love, to a woman, means sacrifice.
If she be worthy of the name, no gold or rank will outweigh with her a genuine devotion.
"Gentlemen of the—er—I should say, my friends, the case of Redruth versus love and affection has been called.
Yet, who is on trial?
Not Redruth, for he has been punished.
Not those immortal passions that clothe our lives with the joy of the angels.
Then who?