He believed that for Anna herself it would be better to break off all relations with Vronsky; but if they all thought this out of the question, he was even ready to allow these relations to be renewed, so long as the children were not disgraced, and he was not deprived of them nor forced to change his position.
Bad as this might be, it was anyway better than a rupture, which would put her in a hopeless and shameful position, and deprive him of everything he cared for.
But he felt helpless; he knew beforehand that every one was against him, and that he would not be allowed to do what seemed to him now so natural and right, but would be forced to do what was wrong, though it seemed the proper thing to them.
Chapter 21
Before Betsy had time to walk out of the drawing-room, she was met in the doorway by Stepan Arkadyevitch, who had just come from Yeliseev's, where a consignment of fresh oysters had been received.
"Ah! princess! what a delightful meeting!" he began. "I've been to see you."
"A meeting for one minute, for I'm going," said Betsy, smiling and putting on her glove.
"Don't put on your glove yet, princess; let me kiss your hand.
There's nothing I'm so thankful to the revival of the old fashions for as the kissing the hand." He kissed Betsy's hand. "When shall we see each other?"
"You don't deserve it," answered Betsy, smiling.
"Oh, yes, I deserve a great deal, for I've become a most serious person.
I don't only manage my own affairs, but other people's too," he said, with a significant expression.
"Oh, I'm so glad!" answered Betsy, at once understanding that he was speaking of Anna.
And going back into the drawing room, they stood in a corner. "He's killing her," said Betsy in a whisper full of meaning. "It's impossible, impossible..."
"I'm so glad you think so," said Stepan Arkadyevitch, shaking his head with a serious and sympathetically distressed expression, "that's what I've come to Petersburg for."
"The whole town's talking of it," she said. "It's an impossible position.
She pines and pines away.
He doesn't understand that she's one of those women who can't trifle with their feelings.
One of two things: either let him take her away, act with energy, or give her a divorce.
This is stifling her."
"Yes, yes...just so..." Oblonsky said, sighing. "That's what I've come for.
At least not solely for that...I've been made a _Kammerherr_; of course, one has to say thank you.
But the chief thing was having to settle this."
"Well, God help you!" said Betsy.
After accompanying Betsy to the outside hall, once more kissing her hand above the glove, at the point where the pulse beats, and murmuring to her such unseemly nonsense that she did not know whether to laugh or be angry, Stepan Arkadyevitch went to his sister.
He found her in tears.
Although he happened to be bubbling over with good spirits, Stepan Arkadyevitch immediately and quite naturally fell into the sympathetic, poetically emotional tone which harmonized with her mood.
He asked her how she was, and how she had spent the morning.
"Very, very miserably.
Today and this morning and all past days and days to come," she said.
"I think you're giving way to pessimism.
You must rouse yourself, you must look life in the face.
I know it's hard, but..."
"I have heard it said that women love men even for their vices," Anna began suddenly, "but I hate him for his virtues.
I can't live with him.
Do you understand? the sight of him has a physical effect on me, it makes me beside myself.
I can't, I can't live with him.
What am I to do?
I have been unhappy, and used to think one couldn't be more unhappy, but the awful state of things I am going through now, I could never have conceived.
Would you believe it, that knowing he's a good man, a splendid man, that I'm not worth his little finger, still I hate him.
I hate him for his generosity.
And there's nothing left for me but..."
She would have said death, but Stepan Arkadyevitch would not let her finish.
"You are ill and overwrought," he said; "believe me, you're exaggerating dreadfully.
There's nothing so terrible in it."
And Stepan Arkadyevitch smiled.
No one else in Stepan Arkadyevitch's place, having to do with such despair, would have ventured to smile (the smile would have seemed brutal); but in his smile there was so much of sweetness and almost feminine tenderness that his smile did not wound, but softened and soothed.
His gentle, soothing words and smiles were as soothing and softening as almond oil.
And Anna soon felt this.
"No, Stiva," she said, "I'm lost, lost! worse than lost!