It serves you right.’
Nately was lighter than Yossarian and had great difficulty maneuvering Yossarian’s lurching bulk across the room to an unoccupied table.
‘Are you crazy?’ Nately kept hissing with trepidation.
‘That was Colonel Korn.
Are you crazy?’
Yossarian wanted another drink and promised to leave quietly if Nately brought him one.
Then he made Nately bring him two more.
When Nately finally coaxed him to the door, Captain Black came stomping in from outside, banging his sloshing shoes down hard on the wood floor and spilling water from his eaves like a high roof.
‘Boy, are you bastards in for it!’ he announced exuberantly, splashing away from the puddle forming at his feet.
‘I just got a call from Colonel Korn.
Do you know what they’ve got waiting for you at Bologna?
Ha! Ha!
They’ve got the new Lepage glue gun. It glues a whole formation of planes together in mid-air.’
‘My God, it’s true!’ Yossarian shrieked, and collapsed against Nately in terror.
‘There is no God,’ answered Dunbar calmly, coming up with a slight stagger.
‘Hey, give me a hand with him, will you?
I’ve got to get him back in his tent.’
‘Says who?’
‘Says me.
Gee, look at the rain.’
‘We’ve got to get a car.’
‘Steal Captain Black’s car,’ said Yossarian. ‘That’s what I always do.’
‘We can’t steal anybody’s car.
Since you began stealing the nearest car every time you wanted one, nobody leaves the ignition on.’
‘Hop in,’ said Chief White Halfoat, driving up drunk in a covered jeep.
He waited until they had crowded inside and then spurted ahead with a suddenness that rolled them all over backward.
He roared with laughter at their curses.
He drove straight ahead when he left the parking lot and rammed the car into the embankment on the other side of the road.
The others piled forward in a helpless heap and began cursing him again.
‘I forgot to turn,’ he explained.
‘Be careful, will you?’ Nately cautioned.
‘You’d better put your headlights on.’
Chief White Halfoat pulled back in reverse, made his turn and shot away up the road at top speed.
The wheels were sibilant on the whizzing blacktop surface.
‘Not so fast,’ urged Nately.
‘You’d better take me to your squadron first so I can help you put him to bed.
Then you can drive me back to my squadron.’
‘Who the hell are you?’ ‘ Dunbar.’
‘Hey, put your headlights on,’ Nately shouted.
‘And watch the road!’
‘They are on.
Isn’t Yossarian in this car?
That’s the only reason I let the rest of you bastards in.’
Chief White Halfoat turned completely around to stare into the back seat.
‘Watch the road!’
‘Yossarian?
Is Yossarian in here?’
‘I’m here, Chief.
Let’s go home.
What makes you so sure?